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Title: How’s the World, Blaine Warbler?
Pair: Klaine preslash
Word Count: 7139
Summary: In between scenes for BIOTA-- Kurt and Blaine go to a party at Rachel’s house, and from the fallout, reconsider themselves, their preconceptions, and their friendship.
“I agree with Mercedes. You’re completely boy crazy.” Blaine grinned as he leaned back against Kurt’s bed. “Go fish.”
“Is the name of a lesbian independent film.” Kurt leaned over to the pile of cards.
Blaine chuckled. “Haven’t seen it.”
“Neither have I. Been meaning to... And I’m not boy crazy. I’m just... appreciative. How can you not notice that Jun is attractive? I saw him the other day on the track. He had his shirt off…”
“I’ve never really talked to him. Wes wanted to set us up, but I don’t think Jun would be interested.” Blaine bowed his head almost shyly.
“I find that impossible to believe, Mr. Anderson. If he plays for our crochet team, I’m sure his little heart goes pitter-pat whenever you drag us all out into the hallways to sing a cappella pop songs.”
Blaine frowned. “Are we playing cards or talking about boys?”
“Both.” Kurt sighed, set his cards down, and reached for his cell phone. “It’s all I could hope for on a Saturday night.”
“Who are you calling?”
“I’m going to see what Mercedes and Tina are up to. Tina’s probably out with Mike. That’s her boyfriend. The guy who lead the dancing at Sectionals? Also perfectly yummy.”
“You’re such a rice queen.” Blaine laughed.
Kurt opened his mouth into an “O” of mock-offense.
“I’m going to warn Wes!”
“He can keep his gavel to himself, thanks,” Kurt replied dryly.
Blaine covered his face and curled over on the floor, shaking with laughter.
“Is that a hyena?” Mercedes asked.
“What?” Kurt rolled his eyes. “No, just Blaine. He thinks he’s sooo funny.”
“You two making couples’ phone messages yet?”
“We’re bemoaning our lack of social life. Are you and Tina doing anything tonight?”
Mercedes was quiet for a moment. “You didn’t get an invite? Rachel knows you come home for the weekends.”
“An invite to what? Blaine, calm your tits.”
That only made Blaine laugh harder. Kurt pinched his lips together and fondly watched Blaine lose his mind.
“He can’t stop laughing. I might have to get a bucket of water. Invite to what?”
“Rachel’s dads are out of town, and she’s holding a party tonight. We’re only going because she promised alcohol.”
“Sounds promising.” Kurt paused. Took a breath. Turned his head away from Blaine. Prayed to still the threatening tremor in his voice. “Who’s we? You and Tina?”
“Um... well...”
“Come on, Mercedes.”
“The glee club. Everybody. If I’d known she didn’t invite you, I wouldn’t have accepted. I was hoping to see you there. I’m not sure if I’d even still recognize you.”
“Aw. I miss you, too.” Kurt’s shoulders rounded over, and he rubbed the side of the phone with his thumb. Suddenly, Blaine’s hand was on his back. He seemed to have recovered and was looking at Kurt in a way that he couldn’t identify.
“Why don’t you just crash it? How can Rachel say no to you guys?”
“You think? Will I be welcome?”
“Of course!” Mercedes didn’t sound as sure as her words implied. “And if the party’s lame, we can cut out and go do something fun.”
“Thanks for the intel, honey bear.”
“No problem, porcelain.”
Kurt pocketed his phone and frowned at the wall for a moment. Blaine perched on Kurt’s bed and waited for him to speak.
“So there’s going to be a party at Rachel’s house. Wanna crash?”
“Yeah?” Blaine’s lips curved to the side. He looked down. “Is this okay for a party? I’ve... I’ve never really been to one. Except for like, family things and community events.”
“You look perfect...” Kurt glanced over him quickly. “...for a party. I could change, I guess. I wonder if Finn will give us a ride. Hold on a sec.”
Bounding upward, Kurt headed for Finn’s room. Or lair, as he sometimes thought of it. Despite the heartwarming song that he had sung to Kurt at their parents’ wedding, Finn was sometimes like a cranky old dragon in there, and Kurt had no desire to lose a hand.
He rapped on the door and bounced on his heels for a moment waiting for an answer.
“What!” Finn cried. “Don’t come in!”
“Not going to!” Kurt yelled back.
A moment later, Finn poked his head out the door. He was wearing only a towel around his waist. “Kurt. Hey.”
“Oh.” Kurt kept his eyes determinedly above the neck. What would have been tantalizing a year ago was sort of disturbing, now that they were brothers. “Blaine and I were wondering if you’d mind driving us to Rachel’s party.”
“Um. I dunno.” Finn scratched behind his ear. “Rachel told me not to tell you about it. I think she doesn’t want anyone but the glee club. No one else at school got invited.”
Kurt stopped bouncing. “Ah.” He sucked in his lips and nodded. “Right. I get it. Have fun tonight.”
He’d only turned for half a second when Finn’s hand was on his shoulder.
“No, wait. I’ll take you. Just... tell Rachel you blackmailed me or something.”
Kurt grinned back. “Oh, that I can do.”
When he returned to his room, Blaine was lying back on Kurt’s bed, staring pensively up at the ceiling. He half-lifted his head toward Kurt. “Are we going?”
“Yes!” Kurt went to his closet, then looked over his shoulder. “Do you want to go to this thing?”
Blaine rubbed his hands together. “Oh, yeah! I’m all about trying new things right now.”
“What brought on this new zest for life?”
“I dunno. I guess it had to do with Jeremiah, a little. And it was exciting for the Warblers to spend some time out of their cage. I want to get better at people. In real life.” He rose and looked over Kurt’s shoulder at the rainbow of his closet. “I like Dalton... but I kind of miss being out in the world. The bullying gave my parents an excuse to keep sheltering me. My sister goes to a private school, too, but they’re wild. I can’t even describe the stuff she gets up to.”
Kurt turned with a bright yellow shirt in his hand. “Well, then this is our golden opportunity to present Mr. Blaine Anderson to the world!”
“Don’t...” Blaine held up one hand. “...wear that.”
“Why are you afraid of the fabulous?”
“I know you love Pavarotti, but you don’t have to dress like him.”
“It is a little Big Bird, isn’t it?” Kurt chuckled and put it back in his closet. “I love it anyway.”
“I...”
“What?” Kurt looked at Blaine seriously.
“I love this one. This red.” Blaine pulled out a shirt and held it up to Kurt.
Kurt narrowed his eyes. “You picked Dalton for the uniforms, didn’t you?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
***
“Oh, God.” Kurt covered his eyes as Blaine puked vigorously onto the curb.
“I didn’t even have anything, and I think I’ll never drink again,” Finn muttered.
“I’m going to die,” Blaine groaned.
“No, sweetie. You’re going to die tomorrow.” Kurt crouched down and pressed the water bottle to Blaine’s lips. “Swish it around and then spit out. We’ll get some more water into you before you go to bed.”
“Unnn...” Blaine rocked back and forth, hand over his stomach.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have taken you to this party. I promise the glee club was never into partying that hard before I left.”
Blaine shook his head. “Life is... living it. And screwing up. Ow.”
“C’mon.” Kurt draped Blaine’s arm over his shoulders and held him tightly around the body. “Hold on.”
“Holdiiiing... holding holding,” Blaine sang as Kurt pulled him into the backseat.
“Okay. We’re in.” Kurt slammed the door shut.
“Someday somebody’s gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbai-yie,” Blaine sang energetically. “‘Til then bay-beh are you gonna let ‘em hold you down and make you cry?”
“No, no, no.” Kurt sighed. “You are not singing Wilson Phillips at me.”
“Doncha know? Things’ll change. Things’ll go your way, if you hoo-oold on, for one more day. Things may go your way-hay!”
“What are we going to do with him? He can’t drive home, and I’m not sure I can stay awake for a drive that long,” Finn said, peering back at them in his rear view mirror.
“We’ll put him in my bed, and I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“Nice restraint,” Finn said.
“Hey. I am the picture of restraint... sometimes.” Kurt rubbed Blaine’s back. “Don’t puke on me, please.”
“I think my eyes are going to pop out,” Blaine replied. He looked up at Kurt plaintively.
“Well, that’s not good either. Hang on. I’ll get you something for your head when we get home.”
“‘Kay.”
Blaine kept staring up at Kurt, studying his face with the fascination of an infant bringing the world into focus for the first time.
“What?” Kurt’s neck was beginning to get warm.
“You... you’re so beautiful...”
“I...”
Blaine lunged forward, smashing his lips against Kurt’s. It wasn’t heated or exploring like the one Kurt had just watched Blaine share with Rachel. It was frenzied and needy and desperate. And tasted like bile.
Kurt pulled back and blinked at Blaine in shock. Blaine just rested his head against Kurt’s chest. After a moment, he began to snore softly.
“I’m beginning to get kissing PTSD,” he muttered. How Blaine could sleep when Kurt’s heart was pounding out the 1812 Overture, he didn’t know.
A few minutes later, they reached the house. Finn went around to the side and pulled Blaine out, carrying him like a ragdoll.
“You got him?” Kurt asked as they went up the stairs.
“Yeah, he’s tinier than I thought. It’s like he puffs up like a bird in that uniform,” Finn said. He hip checked Kurt’s door and deposited Blaine on the bed. “You got it from here?”
“I got it. Thanks for everything, Finn. I shouldn’t have made you take me.”
Finn shrugged. “Nah. It was good to have the group together.”
“I miss everyone. Blaine’s great. And I get along with the guys really well. I don’t know.”
“...I got Karofsky to dance with the Glee club. Um.”
“I saw. That was weird.” Kurt crossed his arms and looked down. “And I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“I was hoping if we could get him to loosen up a little, he could see you don’t have to be gay to like to sing. And that it’s okay to be a little different.” Finn shook his head. “And then maybe you could come back home.”
“You are adorably optimistic, Finn. But I don’t think that’s going to work for Karofsky.”
“Intense therapy, maybe.”
Finn had been joking, but Kurt nodded and ran his hand over his mouth. “Yeah, I think that’s what it’s going to take.”
“Okay, I’m crashing. See you tomorrow?”
Kurt nodded, looked in on Blaine, then went to quickly brush his teeth. As he walked back down the hallway, he touched his lips. There was no perceptible difference in how they felt, and that was disappointing. He’d thought that they might tingle or feel loved or used. Still, it was less of a kiss than a smush. Maybe Blaine was just an affectionate drunk. He thought he might have to make his heart believe that, if he was to keep any distance between them at all.
He closed the door behind him, loosening his tie, then knelt by the bed. First he gently pulled off Blaine’s shoes, then he draped the blankets over him and made sure he had pillows. Blaine’s face was relaxed, unlined, and so sweet. Less of a seasoned Warbler and lead singer than a boy spent from an evening’s fun.
“Damn. I forgot the water.” Kurt petted Blaine’s back as he sat next to him. “How’s the world, Blaine Warbler? Is it everything you hoped for? Maybe we can slow down a little, now. Hm?”
Swallowing hard, he rose and went to get an extra blanket for the floor. Whether or not he wanted restraint, there was no way to justify sleeping in the bed with Blaine. He didn’t need or want kisses they could blame on the alcohol. And Blaine certainly didn’t need someone who would take advantage in a moment like this.
Before laying down, Kurt got a glass of water and set it on the nightstand.
***
Blaine was quickly deciding that alcohol was ruining his life, and he’d only gotten drunk the once. He and Kurt hadn’t talked since their blow up on Sunday, and as hard as he tried, Blaine couldn’t piece together how it had gotten so ugly so fast. They’d always had this ease when they were together, and agreed on almost everything. Even when they didn’t, it was a joke and they teased each other mercilessly. Blaine knew for certain that Kurt had never gotten mad at him before, even when Blaine thought he had deserved it.
And that was more disorienting than anything. Not knowing where Kurt was coming from. Hell, he would have understood it if Kurt’s prickliness had come from the Karofsky comment-- just because that was such as sensitive spot for him, even now-- but that had flown out of Blaine’s mouth after Kurt had gotten angry, and Blaine had been trying to make sense, so... he was stumped.
When Warbler practice had come and gone on Monday and neither had spoken to the other, Blaine started to realize how much he depended on Kurt to get through the week these days, and that was a surprise. He hadn’t been unhappy here, before Kurt came, had he? It was better than his last school (although that wasn’t hard to accomplish). He didn’t have his parents’ eyes on him all the time. The guys all liked him, and the Warblers admired his talent.
Why did it suck so much without Kurt?
When the second Warbler practice had come and gone, Blaine pieced together why Kurt was avoiding him. At least one reason. Their eyes had met, and Kurt had flushed and looked away. Kurt was still hurt, but not mad (because mad Kurt was obvious to the naked eye, perhaps from space), and Kurt was embarrassed.
Blaine could get that because he felt the exact same way on both accounts. But he wasn’t as good with people as Kurt was, and he didn’t know how to fix things between them, except for to pretend nothing had happened.
All around him it was like the walls were unraveling. He’d pulled one thread and it was all coming to pieces.
***
“This isn’t very romantic,” Blaine admitted as he walked down the sidewalk with Rachel. He hadn’t made the move to take her hand so she’d grabbed it firmly. “But I want to make sure you know that... this is kind of an experiment for me.”
“Aren’t all first dates?” she breezed.
“You know what I mean.” He tried to move his hand a little, but she was holding too tightly. His hand was starting to get sweaty. Was that how it was supposed to feel? He honestly didn’t know.
“Well. I called because I liked our kiss, and our voices match so well. I assumed you accepted because you liked it, too. You know, I have trouble finding guys who can keep up with me, vocally. No one in New Directions really can.” She straightened one of the many little bows all over her pink sweater. “You might not have been able to notice when we were at Sectionals, because Mr. Schue decided to put me on the back-burner and give some of our less gifted members an opportunity to sing. It was a risk, but we’ve had trouble motivating them to put in the work, you know?”
Blaine waited a moment to see if she was going to catch a breath. “Uh, yeah. Well, the upperclassmen originally gave me a chance for a solo to try to get me more involved. I was a little shy my first year. We don’t have a faculty member leading us, so the council works hard to make sure everyone feels like a part of the group.”
“Oh? Well, I think that’s well and good for the weekly lessons, but benching your best singer for a major competition? I don’t think so. Mr. Schue always teaches his lessons at my expense.”
Blaine nodded, feeling a bit more like a fish out of water than usual. He didn’t really know what to say to her, sober.
“He’s had tryouts for solos a few times, but that’s usually pointless. I let Mercedes have one at the last Sectionals, but the other team stole our songs, so I belted out my award winning rendition of “Don’t Rain on My Parade”!” She moved her hand in front of her as though she were seeing the title written in bright lights, with her name emblazoned underneath. “It would have moved Barbara to tears.”
He imagined her pupils turning into little twinkling stars. “I love Funny Girl! Have you guys ever done any other musicals?”
“Well, I starred in Cabaret last year, but it fell apart thanks to the idiot director, and former glee faculty member. Hm. I also starred in Rocky Horror this year, but that fell apart, too, unfortunately. I was fabulous as Janet. It’s unfortunate that there’s just no one at McKinley who can properly manage my talent.”
“Who played Frankenfurter? Kurt didn’t mention it.”
“Oh, Kurt refused to play the part. He played Riff Raff. And we got Mercedes to do the part of Frankenfurter.”
Blaine smiled at the thought. “Yeah? I’ve wanted a chance to be Janet since I first saw the movie. You know it’s common practice to do gender-blind casting? I’ve always thought that was interesting. Now I’m going to have to wheedle them into singing “The Time Warp” with me.”
“I’ve practiced all the songs in the soundtrack, so it was an easy week for me.”
Blaine licked his lips and looked around. They were almost to the theatre. But Rachel spoke fast, so it seemed like they were talking longer than they had been.
“We were going to do Wicked, or at least “Defying Gravity.” Mr. Schue changes his mind all the time, though, so we didn’t end up doing that. A pity, since I think I sound exactly like Idina Menzel on that song. Maybe a little better. Kurt did try out for it, but he couldn’t keep up with me. He can’t hit a high F.”
“Yeah, he can.” Blaine tilted his head to the side. “I’ve heard him. He told me that week someone called his house and told his father his son was a ‘fag.’ And so he blew the note to keep himself out of the spotlight and his dad from having to deal with the backlash all at once.”
Rachel, amazingly, was speechless. Blaine had to be a little empathetic. Maybe she was talking about herself so much because she was as uncertain as he was, and they didn’t really know each other that well. She prattled on, and he struggled to find words.
“Well, I don’t know why I’m so shocked. Kurt’s a good singer. Not nearly as good as me, of course, but he’s better than a lot of the other girls at New Directions, and he practices more.”
“You don’t have to keep telling me how good you are, Rachel. The Warblers have seen videos of New Directions, and I’ve sung with you. I believe you.” He squeezed her hand to reassure her that he wasn’t making fun, and gave a little smile.
“I... I guess I’m just. Maybe a little nervous. I’ve not been on a lot of dates.”
“I’ve not been on any.”
“Don’t you and Kurt go out for coffee all the time?”
“Well, yeah, but. Not as... we’re just friends.” Blaine lowered his head, then pointed up at the looming theatre. “Can you see the titles from here? What would you like to go see?”
“Ooooh, I didn’t know they played older movies on the weekdays. That’s awesome.” Rachel squinted as she looked up at the offerings. “Let’s go see Love Story. I adore that movie. Is that too chick flick for you?”
“I love the chick flicks. And the zombie flicks. I don’t even know why. It fulfills this weird, deep inner need.”
“They should make a chick flick zombie apocalypse movie,” Rachel declared with a bright flash of teeth.
“As a musical,” Blaine added as he pulled out his wallet to pay for their tickets.
***
“You speak English really well,” Rachel proclaimed brightly after a long silence.
Blaine looked up from his veggie burger and blinked. He couldn’t help but notice that she was enunciating more. “Uh... I was born in Ohio, so the chances of that were about fifty-fifty.”
“Kurt told me you were half... something. Asian.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Is that a direct quote?”
“No, but he babbled on about you almost constantly until you went to go sing to that guy at the Gap, and I couldn’t keep track of it all.”
Something went still in Blaine’s chest. Then went cold.
“The ‘something Asian’ is Fillipino,” he replied absently.
Sometimes Blaine imagined he was in a movie. It was something he’d done for years, since he was a little kid, because people in the movies always knew what to do, and if they didn’t, it all worked out in the end.
Right now he imagined a shiny little bell ding ding dinging behind his head. Rachel was Kurt’s friend. Kurt had talked to her about liking him. Rachel was also the one who had competed, and won, both Finn and the spotlight enough that when Kurt had first mentioned her to Blaine, he’d also introduced Blaine to his catty side. The friendship with her had come after Kurt had moved to Dalton. And Rachel had asked Blaine out anyway. Even if Kurt had put their attraction behind him, this situation was kind of complicated.
Nice, Mr. Anderson. Blaine held back a sigh and tried to act normally. Their fight seemed to spring to mind in slow motion, and tears pricked his eyes once again. He dipped his head to look interested in this vegan food he’d tried for her. You really need Jiminy Cricket or Mushu to come tell you how to untangle this snarl. Even a talking animal would be better at this than I am.
“How long have you and Kurt been friends?”
“Oh. Um. Probably since Sectionals, I guess. We weren’t exactly nice to each other before that. I would say he wasn’t nice to me, but if I were him, I wouldn’t have liked me. We were rivals. Of course he’d be a little jealous of my talent.”
Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ve never had a veggie burger before, but I bet these are the best in the tri-city area.”
“You should really go vegan. When you’re a singer,” Rachel began, starting to sound very intense, “your body is your instrument. You need to keep it clean and in working order at all times. Finely tuned.”
Her fingers pinched together and pecked forward to illustrate that last point.
“We don’t have a lot of family recipes that are naturally veggie, but I’m open to new cuisine. I think I might be piling on too many labels, though, if I went vegan,” Blaine joked. “Biracial, bicurious, Warbler, and vegan too? That’s a bit much.”
“Oh, no!” Rachel exclaimed. “You can be a vegan no matter what percentage gay you are! But you look straight to me, so I think you don’t have to worry about it.”
“What does straight look like?” Blaine dropped his burger and wiped his hands.
Rachel shrugged. “Not like Kurt. He tried to fool us once last year, for some reason. Maybe it had to do with his dad being such a redneck sports guy. He dressed in flannel and sang John Mellencamp. Good range, but really. Please.”
“Did he.” Blaine’s lips started to curve. He might have to tease Kurt on that one later.
***
Wednesday after classes Blaine decided that waiting around for the perfect moment wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He had to take action. He leaned into one of the study rooms and looked around. “Hey, David. Have you seen Kurt?”
“He said he was going to drive home.”
“What?” Blaine realized from David’s expression that he must look completely aghast.
“I know, it’s a long way. He doesn’t usually go by during middle of the week, but he said he wanted to spend some time with his dad. I guess he’ll be getting up super early tomorrow to drive back.”
“He and his dad are close,” Blaine replied a bit absently. He couldn’t say he wasn’t totally jealous of that.
He went back to his room and tried to study. Eventually, he gave up and started tooling around on YouTube. He could have gone down to hang out with David. He should have. It wasn’t like he was some kind of loser with no friends. But this was hard to talk about, and it wasn’t the same with David. David just hadn’t gone through the same things he and Kurt had.
Blaine was in the middle of watching a musical parody video of Twilight when his phone vibrated. He picked it up.
Hey, the message read. It was from Kurt, of course.
Blaine thought for a minute, then typed, Liquid courage?
Ha ha.
I can’t stand it anymore. How are you doing?
“What can’t you stand?” Blaine put his feet on his bed. Watching YouTubes.
How, not what.
“Oh?” He turned his phone over in his hand a few times. How? Missing my best friend. Still confused. But about more things, now. You?
Wishing I had duct tape.
Blaine laughed as the image of Kurt trying to navigate duct tape popped into his head. What for?
My mouth. Just fought with dad. I suck this week.
Blaine’s lips quickly tightened, and he dialed Kurt’s number. For a moment he was afraid Kurt wasn’t ready for direct voice-on-voice action, but the line picked up. Blaine could hear Gaga wailing in the background and nothing else.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
“Blaine, I didn’t- I just wanted to see how you were doing. It wasn’t fair to leave you like that.” Kurt’s voice was as tight as an overstrung piano wire. He’d been crying.
“Well. I was the one who left.” So I could cry, Blaine thought. Mister Put Together Me. “Tell me what happened.”
“No. You needed me to listen on Sunday. You tell me first.”
“Do you really want to hear about that? I haven’t really... decided anything.”
“Oh, well, whatever. If you’re bi, at least you have it half right.”
“You are so terrible!”
“You called me a rice queen on Saturday!”
“Hm.” Blaine got up and caught sight of himself in the mirror. His cheeks were all rosy. “You are.”
“Tina told me that bisexuals do exist, so I’d better clap my hands and stop being an ass,” Kurt’s voice wavered just slightly. “Honestly, I just don’t have any experience with it, but I’d never known another gay kid my age until I met you, so that doesn’t mean much.”
“I’ve never known anyone who was bi either.” Blaine paused. “That I knew about.”
“Point. Sometimes I think Santana and Brittany are, but they’re so focused on boys that I have a hard time thinking of them that way. I sort of think of them as Katy Perry bisexuals. You know, kissing each other to turn on the boys. That sounds awful, but it’s what they actually do. I don’t know if they mean it or anything, and Santana makes homophobic jokes all the time. Most of the cheerleaders do.”
“McKinley seems like a prime place to hide in the closet, honestly. I wouldn’t want to come out there. Not as gay, or as bicurious.” Blaine started to pull apart his gelled curls.
“I didn’t come out so much as the closet couldn’t contain me.”
Blaine chuckled. “I still envy how confident you are.”
“It kind of amazes me that you can think of me that way, even after I vomited my life into your lap and burst into tears the first time we met.”
“That was one moment when you were having a really hard time. Believe me, I understand that. But even when we went to see Karosfky together, even after he’d... done that to you, you yelled at him and told him to stop when he attacked me. You speak your mind even when you don’t know how to please everyone, or anyone, in the room. You shine bright, even if you know there’s a chance you’ll get snuffed out. You’re fierce.”
“That didn’t come overnight, Blaine. I knew who I was years before I owned it.” Kurt paused, and Blaine could almost hear his smile. “And you know that’s part well-practiced bravado, right? You should be familiar with creating a public persona. When I first met you, I thought you were the most together person I’d ever met.”
“And now you know I’m the least.”
“Well, at least you’re not in denial. That’s worse. That’s when you start beating the fags around you because they remind you of what you’re trying to hide.”
“You’re right. That would be a lot worse.”
“Besides, at our age, I wonder if anyone has it ‘together.’ ...Watching Mr. Schue, though, I wonder if anyone ever gets it together, or if they just get used to the chaos of not knowing anything in this world before His Holy Noodleness claims them with His Noodlely Appendage.”
Blaine sighed and started to loosen his tie. It felt better just talking to Kurt.
“You know, Lady Gaga is bi. It’s one of the reasons I keep listening to her new song on repeat. Aside from it being stupidly catchy and fun to yell. I keep trying to think of an out bi guy, but I can’t. Who’s bi?”
“I don’t know, but I’d be okay being in the same company as Lady Gaga.” He did a dance step and a twirl in the middle of his room.
“To the Googles! ...Marlon Brando? Is that for real?”
“Stellaaaaaaaa!”
It took Kurt a few moments to stop giggling. “Alan Cumming.”
“Who’s that?”
“He’s an actor. Kind of old, now, but he was cute. We should do a bi movie night. With actors and characters who are bi.”
“Hey, anything to trap you into watching old movies with me.” Blaine did another dance step, sliding across the room. “They show old movies at the Realto. That’s not too far from Dalton. I was able to get there and back... in one night.”
In his head, Blaine imagined himself tiptoeing around a land mine wearing a fluffy pink sweater.
“I’m not going to fall apart if you mention your date with Rachel.” Kurt’s voice was dry, but not biting, thankfully. “I admit that I’m kind of curious. She already told me that it went wonderfully, and that you both know the lines to Love Story. I’m sure in her mind, you two already have a passel of warbling curly-haired babies.”
Blaine swallowed.
“So let’s not go see that.”
“You’re suddenly okay with this?”
“If I’m honest, I’m not really okay with you dating Rachel. But I should try to be a little more openminded.”
Blaine closed his eyes. “I wish I were better at all this stuff. It’s all so complicated... I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“That’s not your fault. I’ll get over it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“Yes, I should, because you didn’t do it on purpose. I know you, Blaine Warbler, and maybe you can get bitchy when you’re hurt, but you’re no Mr. Darcy.”
“With or without zombies?”
“Either.” Kurt yawned. Blaine heard the ruffling of some papers.
“So. If I were exploring with other girls, ones you didn’t know, would it be easier?”
“I still don’t know if I’d have been mature about it, but I can make myself be more mature in the future. That’s all I can say... But if you’re in true love with Rachel, don’t let me stop you.”
“I don’t know if I’m gay or bi, but after that date, I think Rachel and I should just be friends. We don’t have to talk about it if it’s weird. Let’s talk about your-”
“No. You want to talk about what happened, right? I can be a good listener. Especially since I know it doesn’t end in sweet lady kisses.”
“Rachel told you about that?”
“She wants to lay one on you to prove that you’re straight.”
Blaine paused, frowning deeply and sat back down at his computer desk. “Straight was never one of the options.”
“It seems she and I both need some lessons on bisexuality. And probably the whole of Lima. But her dads are gay, and if they’re not sensitive about it, given how clueful she’s proved about gay issues in general, I don’t doubt she doesn’t think bisexuality exists at all. I mean, I’m sure for her that makes it seem like she’s gotten word from the authority.”
“I guess. Maybe we’re just going to have to find some way to educate ourselves. Our parents sure don’t know anything.”
“Are you going to dish about this date or not?”
“Okay, okay. So... I don’t want to be mean about it. It wasn’t terrible, and we had some laughs, but...”
***
Kurt waited at the table, stirring sugar into a medium drip coffee and looking up at the men’s room door frequently. A million things were rushing through his mind right now and he kept pushing bits of them out of his head because he was trying to focus on what he should do when Blaine came back out. And what he had to do.
It had stung when Rachel said so bluntly, “Who cares about you?” He should have expected it. That’s how Rachel was. He’s always known that. Though, he didn’t understand the “100% gay” crack or why she’d taken it so easily, even though she was apparently just using Blaine’s struggle as material for her songs.
Pushing that aside now.
Although it was hard to not to think about that sour, awkward kiss in the back of Finn’s car. Why had Blaine spent the whole week questioning himself over Rachel? Why had their kiss meant nothing? Answering his own question, for perhaps the seventh time this week, Kurt acknowledged by that point in the evening Blaine probably didn’t even remember what had been happening, and it wouldn’t be fair to hold that against him or even embarrass him with that information. Turning right around to answer himself again, Kurt had to wonder why, even if Blaine didn’t remember, he was willing to experiment with people he’d barely met, and Kurt wasn’t even on his radar.
Why did he have to fight so hard for something Blaine would give away to everyone else?
Pushing it out of his mind. He had his friendship with Blaine. And that was worth it, and important enough to fight for. It wasn’t Blaine’s fault if he wasn’t attracted to Kurt.
Blaine had been in there a long time. Kurt closed his eyes and imagined Blaine’s fluffy curls bouncing as he danced. Instead of the terrible music Rachel had chosen, Kurt played “Born This Way” in the background of the image.
No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life. I’m on the right track baby, I was born to survive.
“Rainbows. Stay calm and think of rainbows.”
Finally, Blaine came out, with a hand in his hair and his lips tight. He spotted Kurt, and looking visibly relieved (which was a total relief to Kurt), came over.
“Rachel left?”
“She got what she came for. Angst for her song-writing.”
“Ah. I think she mentioned that.” Blaine frowned as Kurt pushed the coffee and his favorite flavor muffin at him.
“You got this for me?”
“Well, you’re usually hungry after school.” Kurt shrugged. “Oh, if we all had your amazing metabolism.”
“Stop. You look fine. Whoever told you that you were pear-shaped anyway?” Blaine took a sip of his coffee, then picked up the strawberry banana nut muffin for a nibble.
“How is it?”
“...Just right.”
“How are you?”
“Gay, apparently. And dumb. I turned my life upside down over one kiss.”
“As if straight people don’t do that,” Kurt scoffed. “Is this really over? Rachel isn’t the only girl in the world. By far.”
“Well, I told you I wasn’t feeling anything on the date. I did like that kiss, though. The first one.” He shredded the edge of the muffin wrapper. “Maybe it was just the alcohol.”
“Maybe. Quinn and Mercedes kissed that night, too. And that wasn’t even during spin the bottle.” Kurt tapped his stirrer on the table. “My Google searching brings up the theory that maybe no one is entirely straight or gay. I mean, the theory says it’s incredibly rare. Have you heard of the Kinsey scale?”
“No?”
“It says that people are on a scale of zero to six, with one as super straight and five as super gay, but not that many people are true zeroes or sixes. It falls somewhere in the middle. Maybe you’re like, a five, or something. Just occasionally attracted to the opposite sex if the person is right?”
“Maybe.”
“Obviously, I’m a seven,” Kurt attempted to joke. He stirred his own coffee, feeling almost too tense to breathe.
“Thanks, Kurt.”
“It’s just coffee,” he managed.
“Do you still want to do movie night this weekend?” Blaine looked up hopefully.
Be strong for once, Kurt. “Actually, I was going to spend some time with Mercedes and Tina. I feel bad. I’ve been neglecting them since I started going to Dalton.”
It was true. But Kurt had been thinking a lot this week, and if he really wanted to keep his friendship with Blaine, he was going to have to manufacture some distance. This was just too hard, and it wasn’t fair to either of them.
“Is that okay? I’ll keep in touch.” We both know I need to get over you. Please let me try, Kurt pleaded silently. At the same time, he almost hoped Blaine would convince him to spend the time together instead. Why Kurt liked being in pain so much, he couldn’t discern.
Blaine seemed to pout into his coffee. “You know, I need to spend some time with David, too. He’s been complaining that he can only get my attention by licking my ear. You and I see each other every day.”
Kurt clapped his hands together. “So. We play in our own sandboxes this weekend, make sure our other friends don’t feel neglected, and trade notes on Monday?”
Blaine let out a heavy sigh, then nodded. “Let’s make a pact.”
“A pact? For the weekend?” Kurt’s brow wrinkled. “Like in the movies?”
“A friend pact. To always respect each other, no matter how poor of a choice we think the other is making, and never to walk away from a fight without resolving it.” Blaine looked up, and for the first time in a while, Kurt saw a flicker of the wisdom that had made Kurt look up to him in the first place.
Funny how they both looked up to one another, yet both could let each other down so hard.
“Even if I cry?” Kurt gave Blaine a gentle smile.
“Even if I cry. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“You were never going to lose me. We’re stronger than that.”
Blaine took a bear-sized bite of his pink muffin. Kurt smiled, because he had obviously been right about Blaine being hungry.
“Is a pact too idealistic?” Blaine asked after swallowing.
Kurt shook his head. “I could use a little optimism in my life.”
They raised both their cups of medium drip coffee and toasted to their pact. The tension slowly released as they sat together, catching up on what they’d missed in each other’s week. For a moment, it almost felt normal.
“Why can’t dating be this easy,” Blaine murmured at a lull in the conversation.
Kurt considered that statement for a moment and crushed a few crystals of sugar under his thumbnail.
“I don’t know. But you let me know when you find out.”
Pair: Klaine preslash
Word Count: 7139
Summary: In between scenes for BIOTA-- Kurt and Blaine go to a party at Rachel’s house, and from the fallout, reconsider themselves, their preconceptions, and their friendship.
“I agree with Mercedes. You’re completely boy crazy.” Blaine grinned as he leaned back against Kurt’s bed. “Go fish.”
“Is the name of a lesbian independent film.” Kurt leaned over to the pile of cards.
Blaine chuckled. “Haven’t seen it.”
“Neither have I. Been meaning to... And I’m not boy crazy. I’m just... appreciative. How can you not notice that Jun is attractive? I saw him the other day on the track. He had his shirt off…”
“I’ve never really talked to him. Wes wanted to set us up, but I don’t think Jun would be interested.” Blaine bowed his head almost shyly.
“I find that impossible to believe, Mr. Anderson. If he plays for our crochet team, I’m sure his little heart goes pitter-pat whenever you drag us all out into the hallways to sing a cappella pop songs.”
Blaine frowned. “Are we playing cards or talking about boys?”
“Both.” Kurt sighed, set his cards down, and reached for his cell phone. “It’s all I could hope for on a Saturday night.”
“Who are you calling?”
“I’m going to see what Mercedes and Tina are up to. Tina’s probably out with Mike. That’s her boyfriend. The guy who lead the dancing at Sectionals? Also perfectly yummy.”
“You’re such a rice queen.” Blaine laughed.
Kurt opened his mouth into an “O” of mock-offense.
“I’m going to warn Wes!”
“He can keep his gavel to himself, thanks,” Kurt replied dryly.
Blaine covered his face and curled over on the floor, shaking with laughter.
“Is that a hyena?” Mercedes asked.
“What?” Kurt rolled his eyes. “No, just Blaine. He thinks he’s sooo funny.”
“You two making couples’ phone messages yet?”
“We’re bemoaning our lack of social life. Are you and Tina doing anything tonight?”
Mercedes was quiet for a moment. “You didn’t get an invite? Rachel knows you come home for the weekends.”
“An invite to what? Blaine, calm your tits.”
That only made Blaine laugh harder. Kurt pinched his lips together and fondly watched Blaine lose his mind.
“He can’t stop laughing. I might have to get a bucket of water. Invite to what?”
“Rachel’s dads are out of town, and she’s holding a party tonight. We’re only going because she promised alcohol.”
“Sounds promising.” Kurt paused. Took a breath. Turned his head away from Blaine. Prayed to still the threatening tremor in his voice. “Who’s we? You and Tina?”
“Um... well...”
“Come on, Mercedes.”
“The glee club. Everybody. If I’d known she didn’t invite you, I wouldn’t have accepted. I was hoping to see you there. I’m not sure if I’d even still recognize you.”
“Aw. I miss you, too.” Kurt’s shoulders rounded over, and he rubbed the side of the phone with his thumb. Suddenly, Blaine’s hand was on his back. He seemed to have recovered and was looking at Kurt in a way that he couldn’t identify.
“Why don’t you just crash it? How can Rachel say no to you guys?”
“You think? Will I be welcome?”
“Of course!” Mercedes didn’t sound as sure as her words implied. “And if the party’s lame, we can cut out and go do something fun.”
“Thanks for the intel, honey bear.”
“No problem, porcelain.”
Kurt pocketed his phone and frowned at the wall for a moment. Blaine perched on Kurt’s bed and waited for him to speak.
“So there’s going to be a party at Rachel’s house. Wanna crash?”
“Yeah?” Blaine’s lips curved to the side. He looked down. “Is this okay for a party? I’ve... I’ve never really been to one. Except for like, family things and community events.”
“You look perfect...” Kurt glanced over him quickly. “...for a party. I could change, I guess. I wonder if Finn will give us a ride. Hold on a sec.”
Bounding upward, Kurt headed for Finn’s room. Or lair, as he sometimes thought of it. Despite the heartwarming song that he had sung to Kurt at their parents’ wedding, Finn was sometimes like a cranky old dragon in there, and Kurt had no desire to lose a hand.
He rapped on the door and bounced on his heels for a moment waiting for an answer.
“What!” Finn cried. “Don’t come in!”
“Not going to!” Kurt yelled back.
A moment later, Finn poked his head out the door. He was wearing only a towel around his waist. “Kurt. Hey.”
“Oh.” Kurt kept his eyes determinedly above the neck. What would have been tantalizing a year ago was sort of disturbing, now that they were brothers. “Blaine and I were wondering if you’d mind driving us to Rachel’s party.”
“Um. I dunno.” Finn scratched behind his ear. “Rachel told me not to tell you about it. I think she doesn’t want anyone but the glee club. No one else at school got invited.”
Kurt stopped bouncing. “Ah.” He sucked in his lips and nodded. “Right. I get it. Have fun tonight.”
He’d only turned for half a second when Finn’s hand was on his shoulder.
“No, wait. I’ll take you. Just... tell Rachel you blackmailed me or something.”
Kurt grinned back. “Oh, that I can do.”
When he returned to his room, Blaine was lying back on Kurt’s bed, staring pensively up at the ceiling. He half-lifted his head toward Kurt. “Are we going?”
“Yes!” Kurt went to his closet, then looked over his shoulder. “Do you want to go to this thing?”
Blaine rubbed his hands together. “Oh, yeah! I’m all about trying new things right now.”
“What brought on this new zest for life?”
“I dunno. I guess it had to do with Jeremiah, a little. And it was exciting for the Warblers to spend some time out of their cage. I want to get better at people. In real life.” He rose and looked over Kurt’s shoulder at the rainbow of his closet. “I like Dalton... but I kind of miss being out in the world. The bullying gave my parents an excuse to keep sheltering me. My sister goes to a private school, too, but they’re wild. I can’t even describe the stuff she gets up to.”
Kurt turned with a bright yellow shirt in his hand. “Well, then this is our golden opportunity to present Mr. Blaine Anderson to the world!”
“Don’t...” Blaine held up one hand. “...wear that.”
“Why are you afraid of the fabulous?”
“I know you love Pavarotti, but you don’t have to dress like him.”
“It is a little Big Bird, isn’t it?” Kurt chuckled and put it back in his closet. “I love it anyway.”
“I...”
“What?” Kurt looked at Blaine seriously.
“I love this one. This red.” Blaine pulled out a shirt and held it up to Kurt.
Kurt narrowed his eyes. “You picked Dalton for the uniforms, didn’t you?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Oh, God.” Kurt covered his eyes as Blaine puked vigorously onto the curb.
“I didn’t even have anything, and I think I’ll never drink again,” Finn muttered.
“I’m going to die,” Blaine groaned.
“No, sweetie. You’re going to die tomorrow.” Kurt crouched down and pressed the water bottle to Blaine’s lips. “Swish it around and then spit out. We’ll get some more water into you before you go to bed.”
“Unnn...” Blaine rocked back and forth, hand over his stomach.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have taken you to this party. I promise the glee club was never into partying that hard before I left.”
Blaine shook his head. “Life is... living it. And screwing up. Ow.”
“C’mon.” Kurt draped Blaine’s arm over his shoulders and held him tightly around the body. “Hold on.”
“Holdiiiing... holding holding,” Blaine sang as Kurt pulled him into the backseat.
“Okay. We’re in.” Kurt slammed the door shut.
“Someday somebody’s gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbai-yie,” Blaine sang energetically. “‘Til then bay-beh are you gonna let ‘em hold you down and make you cry?”
“No, no, no.” Kurt sighed. “You are not singing Wilson Phillips at me.”
“Doncha know? Things’ll change. Things’ll go your way, if you hoo-oold on, for one more day. Things may go your way-hay!”
“What are we going to do with him? He can’t drive home, and I’m not sure I can stay awake for a drive that long,” Finn said, peering back at them in his rear view mirror.
“We’ll put him in my bed, and I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“Nice restraint,” Finn said.
“Hey. I am the picture of restraint... sometimes.” Kurt rubbed Blaine’s back. “Don’t puke on me, please.”
“I think my eyes are going to pop out,” Blaine replied. He looked up at Kurt plaintively.
“Well, that’s not good either. Hang on. I’ll get you something for your head when we get home.”
“‘Kay.”
Blaine kept staring up at Kurt, studying his face with the fascination of an infant bringing the world into focus for the first time.
“What?” Kurt’s neck was beginning to get warm.
“You... you’re so beautiful...”
“I...”
Blaine lunged forward, smashing his lips against Kurt’s. It wasn’t heated or exploring like the one Kurt had just watched Blaine share with Rachel. It was frenzied and needy and desperate. And tasted like bile.
Kurt pulled back and blinked at Blaine in shock. Blaine just rested his head against Kurt’s chest. After a moment, he began to snore softly.
“I’m beginning to get kissing PTSD,” he muttered. How Blaine could sleep when Kurt’s heart was pounding out the 1812 Overture, he didn’t know.
A few minutes later, they reached the house. Finn went around to the side and pulled Blaine out, carrying him like a ragdoll.
“You got him?” Kurt asked as they went up the stairs.
“Yeah, he’s tinier than I thought. It’s like he puffs up like a bird in that uniform,” Finn said. He hip checked Kurt’s door and deposited Blaine on the bed. “You got it from here?”
“I got it. Thanks for everything, Finn. I shouldn’t have made you take me.”
Finn shrugged. “Nah. It was good to have the group together.”
“I miss everyone. Blaine’s great. And I get along with the guys really well. I don’t know.”
“...I got Karofsky to dance with the Glee club. Um.”
“I saw. That was weird.” Kurt crossed his arms and looked down. “And I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“I was hoping if we could get him to loosen up a little, he could see you don’t have to be gay to like to sing. And that it’s okay to be a little different.” Finn shook his head. “And then maybe you could come back home.”
“You are adorably optimistic, Finn. But I don’t think that’s going to work for Karofsky.”
“Intense therapy, maybe.”
Finn had been joking, but Kurt nodded and ran his hand over his mouth. “Yeah, I think that’s what it’s going to take.”
“Okay, I’m crashing. See you tomorrow?”
Kurt nodded, looked in on Blaine, then went to quickly brush his teeth. As he walked back down the hallway, he touched his lips. There was no perceptible difference in how they felt, and that was disappointing. He’d thought that they might tingle or feel loved or used. Still, it was less of a kiss than a smush. Maybe Blaine was just an affectionate drunk. He thought he might have to make his heart believe that, if he was to keep any distance between them at all.
He closed the door behind him, loosening his tie, then knelt by the bed. First he gently pulled off Blaine’s shoes, then he draped the blankets over him and made sure he had pillows. Blaine’s face was relaxed, unlined, and so sweet. Less of a seasoned Warbler and lead singer than a boy spent from an evening’s fun.
“Damn. I forgot the water.” Kurt petted Blaine’s back as he sat next to him. “How’s the world, Blaine Warbler? Is it everything you hoped for? Maybe we can slow down a little, now. Hm?”
Swallowing hard, he rose and went to get an extra blanket for the floor. Whether or not he wanted restraint, there was no way to justify sleeping in the bed with Blaine. He didn’t need or want kisses they could blame on the alcohol. And Blaine certainly didn’t need someone who would take advantage in a moment like this.
Before laying down, Kurt got a glass of water and set it on the nightstand.
Blaine was quickly deciding that alcohol was ruining his life, and he’d only gotten drunk the once. He and Kurt hadn’t talked since their blow up on Sunday, and as hard as he tried, Blaine couldn’t piece together how it had gotten so ugly so fast. They’d always had this ease when they were together, and agreed on almost everything. Even when they didn’t, it was a joke and they teased each other mercilessly. Blaine knew for certain that Kurt had never gotten mad at him before, even when Blaine thought he had deserved it.
And that was more disorienting than anything. Not knowing where Kurt was coming from. Hell, he would have understood it if Kurt’s prickliness had come from the Karofsky comment-- just because that was such as sensitive spot for him, even now-- but that had flown out of Blaine’s mouth after Kurt had gotten angry, and Blaine had been trying to make sense, so... he was stumped.
When Warbler practice had come and gone on Monday and neither had spoken to the other, Blaine started to realize how much he depended on Kurt to get through the week these days, and that was a surprise. He hadn’t been unhappy here, before Kurt came, had he? It was better than his last school (although that wasn’t hard to accomplish). He didn’t have his parents’ eyes on him all the time. The guys all liked him, and the Warblers admired his talent.
Why did it suck so much without Kurt?
When the second Warbler practice had come and gone, Blaine pieced together why Kurt was avoiding him. At least one reason. Their eyes had met, and Kurt had flushed and looked away. Kurt was still hurt, but not mad (because mad Kurt was obvious to the naked eye, perhaps from space), and Kurt was embarrassed.
Blaine could get that because he felt the exact same way on both accounts. But he wasn’t as good with people as Kurt was, and he didn’t know how to fix things between them, except for to pretend nothing had happened.
All around him it was like the walls were unraveling. He’d pulled one thread and it was all coming to pieces.
“This isn’t very romantic,” Blaine admitted as he walked down the sidewalk with Rachel. He hadn’t made the move to take her hand so she’d grabbed it firmly. “But I want to make sure you know that... this is kind of an experiment for me.”
“Aren’t all first dates?” she breezed.
“You know what I mean.” He tried to move his hand a little, but she was holding too tightly. His hand was starting to get sweaty. Was that how it was supposed to feel? He honestly didn’t know.
“Well. I called because I liked our kiss, and our voices match so well. I assumed you accepted because you liked it, too. You know, I have trouble finding guys who can keep up with me, vocally. No one in New Directions really can.” She straightened one of the many little bows all over her pink sweater. “You might not have been able to notice when we were at Sectionals, because Mr. Schue decided to put me on the back-burner and give some of our less gifted members an opportunity to sing. It was a risk, but we’ve had trouble motivating them to put in the work, you know?”
Blaine waited a moment to see if she was going to catch a breath. “Uh, yeah. Well, the upperclassmen originally gave me a chance for a solo to try to get me more involved. I was a little shy my first year. We don’t have a faculty member leading us, so the council works hard to make sure everyone feels like a part of the group.”
“Oh? Well, I think that’s well and good for the weekly lessons, but benching your best singer for a major competition? I don’t think so. Mr. Schue always teaches his lessons at my expense.”
Blaine nodded, feeling a bit more like a fish out of water than usual. He didn’t really know what to say to her, sober.
“He’s had tryouts for solos a few times, but that’s usually pointless. I let Mercedes have one at the last Sectionals, but the other team stole our songs, so I belted out my award winning rendition of “Don’t Rain on My Parade”!” She moved her hand in front of her as though she were seeing the title written in bright lights, with her name emblazoned underneath. “It would have moved Barbara to tears.”
He imagined her pupils turning into little twinkling stars. “I love Funny Girl! Have you guys ever done any other musicals?”
“Well, I starred in Cabaret last year, but it fell apart thanks to the idiot director, and former glee faculty member. Hm. I also starred in Rocky Horror this year, but that fell apart, too, unfortunately. I was fabulous as Janet. It’s unfortunate that there’s just no one at McKinley who can properly manage my talent.”
“Who played Frankenfurter? Kurt didn’t mention it.”
“Oh, Kurt refused to play the part. He played Riff Raff. And we got Mercedes to do the part of Frankenfurter.”
Blaine smiled at the thought. “Yeah? I’ve wanted a chance to be Janet since I first saw the movie. You know it’s common practice to do gender-blind casting? I’ve always thought that was interesting. Now I’m going to have to wheedle them into singing “The Time Warp” with me.”
“I’ve practiced all the songs in the soundtrack, so it was an easy week for me.”
Blaine licked his lips and looked around. They were almost to the theatre. But Rachel spoke fast, so it seemed like they were talking longer than they had been.
“We were going to do Wicked, or at least “Defying Gravity.” Mr. Schue changes his mind all the time, though, so we didn’t end up doing that. A pity, since I think I sound exactly like Idina Menzel on that song. Maybe a little better. Kurt did try out for it, but he couldn’t keep up with me. He can’t hit a high F.”
“Yeah, he can.” Blaine tilted his head to the side. “I’ve heard him. He told me that week someone called his house and told his father his son was a ‘fag.’ And so he blew the note to keep himself out of the spotlight and his dad from having to deal with the backlash all at once.”
Rachel, amazingly, was speechless. Blaine had to be a little empathetic. Maybe she was talking about herself so much because she was as uncertain as he was, and they didn’t really know each other that well. She prattled on, and he struggled to find words.
“Well, I don’t know why I’m so shocked. Kurt’s a good singer. Not nearly as good as me, of course, but he’s better than a lot of the other girls at New Directions, and he practices more.”
“You don’t have to keep telling me how good you are, Rachel. The Warblers have seen videos of New Directions, and I’ve sung with you. I believe you.” He squeezed her hand to reassure her that he wasn’t making fun, and gave a little smile.
“I... I guess I’m just. Maybe a little nervous. I’ve not been on a lot of dates.”
“I’ve not been on any.”
“Don’t you and Kurt go out for coffee all the time?”
“Well, yeah, but. Not as... we’re just friends.” Blaine lowered his head, then pointed up at the looming theatre. “Can you see the titles from here? What would you like to go see?”
“Ooooh, I didn’t know they played older movies on the weekdays. That’s awesome.” Rachel squinted as she looked up at the offerings. “Let’s go see Love Story. I adore that movie. Is that too chick flick for you?”
“I love the chick flicks. And the zombie flicks. I don’t even know why. It fulfills this weird, deep inner need.”
“They should make a chick flick zombie apocalypse movie,” Rachel declared with a bright flash of teeth.
“As a musical,” Blaine added as he pulled out his wallet to pay for their tickets.
“You speak English really well,” Rachel proclaimed brightly after a long silence.
Blaine looked up from his veggie burger and blinked. He couldn’t help but notice that she was enunciating more. “Uh... I was born in Ohio, so the chances of that were about fifty-fifty.”
“Kurt told me you were half... something. Asian.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “Is that a direct quote?”
“No, but he babbled on about you almost constantly until you went to go sing to that guy at the Gap, and I couldn’t keep track of it all.”
Something went still in Blaine’s chest. Then went cold.
“The ‘something Asian’ is Fillipino,” he replied absently.
Sometimes Blaine imagined he was in a movie. It was something he’d done for years, since he was a little kid, because people in the movies always knew what to do, and if they didn’t, it all worked out in the end.
Right now he imagined a shiny little bell ding ding dinging behind his head. Rachel was Kurt’s friend. Kurt had talked to her about liking him. Rachel was also the one who had competed, and won, both Finn and the spotlight enough that when Kurt had first mentioned her to Blaine, he’d also introduced Blaine to his catty side. The friendship with her had come after Kurt had moved to Dalton. And Rachel had asked Blaine out anyway. Even if Kurt had put their attraction behind him, this situation was kind of complicated.
Nice, Mr. Anderson. Blaine held back a sigh and tried to act normally. Their fight seemed to spring to mind in slow motion, and tears pricked his eyes once again. He dipped his head to look interested in this vegan food he’d tried for her. You really need Jiminy Cricket or Mushu to come tell you how to untangle this snarl. Even a talking animal would be better at this than I am.
“How long have you and Kurt been friends?”
“Oh. Um. Probably since Sectionals, I guess. We weren’t exactly nice to each other before that. I would say he wasn’t nice to me, but if I were him, I wouldn’t have liked me. We were rivals. Of course he’d be a little jealous of my talent.”
Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ve never had a veggie burger before, but I bet these are the best in the tri-city area.”
“You should really go vegan. When you’re a singer,” Rachel began, starting to sound very intense, “your body is your instrument. You need to keep it clean and in working order at all times. Finely tuned.”
Her fingers pinched together and pecked forward to illustrate that last point.
“We don’t have a lot of family recipes that are naturally veggie, but I’m open to new cuisine. I think I might be piling on too many labels, though, if I went vegan,” Blaine joked. “Biracial, bicurious, Warbler, and vegan too? That’s a bit much.”
“Oh, no!” Rachel exclaimed. “You can be a vegan no matter what percentage gay you are! But you look straight to me, so I think you don’t have to worry about it.”
“What does straight look like?” Blaine dropped his burger and wiped his hands.
Rachel shrugged. “Not like Kurt. He tried to fool us once last year, for some reason. Maybe it had to do with his dad being such a redneck sports guy. He dressed in flannel and sang John Mellencamp. Good range, but really. Please.”
“Did he.” Blaine’s lips started to curve. He might have to tease Kurt on that one later.
Wednesday after classes Blaine decided that waiting around for the perfect moment wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He had to take action. He leaned into one of the study rooms and looked around. “Hey, David. Have you seen Kurt?”
“He said he was going to drive home.”
“What?” Blaine realized from David’s expression that he must look completely aghast.
“I know, it’s a long way. He doesn’t usually go by during middle of the week, but he said he wanted to spend some time with his dad. I guess he’ll be getting up super early tomorrow to drive back.”
“He and his dad are close,” Blaine replied a bit absently. He couldn’t say he wasn’t totally jealous of that.
He went back to his room and tried to study. Eventually, he gave up and started tooling around on YouTube. He could have gone down to hang out with David. He should have. It wasn’t like he was some kind of loser with no friends. But this was hard to talk about, and it wasn’t the same with David. David just hadn’t gone through the same things he and Kurt had.
Blaine was in the middle of watching a musical parody video of Twilight when his phone vibrated. He picked it up.
Hey, the message read. It was from Kurt, of course.
Blaine thought for a minute, then typed, Liquid courage?
Ha ha.
I can’t stand it anymore. How are you doing?
“What can’t you stand?” Blaine put his feet on his bed. Watching YouTubes.
How, not what.
“Oh?” He turned his phone over in his hand a few times. How? Missing my best friend. Still confused. But about more things, now. You?
Wishing I had duct tape.
Blaine laughed as the image of Kurt trying to navigate duct tape popped into his head. What for?
My mouth. Just fought with dad. I suck this week.
Blaine’s lips quickly tightened, and he dialed Kurt’s number. For a moment he was afraid Kurt wasn’t ready for direct voice-on-voice action, but the line picked up. Blaine could hear Gaga wailing in the background and nothing else.
“Hey. What’s going on?”
“Blaine, I didn’t- I just wanted to see how you were doing. It wasn’t fair to leave you like that.” Kurt’s voice was as tight as an overstrung piano wire. He’d been crying.
“Well. I was the one who left.” So I could cry, Blaine thought. Mister Put Together Me. “Tell me what happened.”
“No. You needed me to listen on Sunday. You tell me first.”
“Do you really want to hear about that? I haven’t really... decided anything.”
“Oh, well, whatever. If you’re bi, at least you have it half right.”
“You are so terrible!”
“You called me a rice queen on Saturday!”
“Hm.” Blaine got up and caught sight of himself in the mirror. His cheeks were all rosy. “You are.”
“Tina told me that bisexuals do exist, so I’d better clap my hands and stop being an ass,” Kurt’s voice wavered just slightly. “Honestly, I just don’t have any experience with it, but I’d never known another gay kid my age until I met you, so that doesn’t mean much.”
“I’ve never known anyone who was bi either.” Blaine paused. “That I knew about.”
“Point. Sometimes I think Santana and Brittany are, but they’re so focused on boys that I have a hard time thinking of them that way. I sort of think of them as Katy Perry bisexuals. You know, kissing each other to turn on the boys. That sounds awful, but it’s what they actually do. I don’t know if they mean it or anything, and Santana makes homophobic jokes all the time. Most of the cheerleaders do.”
“McKinley seems like a prime place to hide in the closet, honestly. I wouldn’t want to come out there. Not as gay, or as bicurious.” Blaine started to pull apart his gelled curls.
“I didn’t come out so much as the closet couldn’t contain me.”
Blaine chuckled. “I still envy how confident you are.”
“It kind of amazes me that you can think of me that way, even after I vomited my life into your lap and burst into tears the first time we met.”
“That was one moment when you were having a really hard time. Believe me, I understand that. But even when we went to see Karosfky together, even after he’d... done that to you, you yelled at him and told him to stop when he attacked me. You speak your mind even when you don’t know how to please everyone, or anyone, in the room. You shine bright, even if you know there’s a chance you’ll get snuffed out. You’re fierce.”
“That didn’t come overnight, Blaine. I knew who I was years before I owned it.” Kurt paused, and Blaine could almost hear his smile. “And you know that’s part well-practiced bravado, right? You should be familiar with creating a public persona. When I first met you, I thought you were the most together person I’d ever met.”
“And now you know I’m the least.”
“Well, at least you’re not in denial. That’s worse. That’s when you start beating the fags around you because they remind you of what you’re trying to hide.”
“You’re right. That would be a lot worse.”
“Besides, at our age, I wonder if anyone has it ‘together.’ ...Watching Mr. Schue, though, I wonder if anyone ever gets it together, or if they just get used to the chaos of not knowing anything in this world before His Holy Noodleness claims them with His Noodlely Appendage.”
Blaine sighed and started to loosen his tie. It felt better just talking to Kurt.
“You know, Lady Gaga is bi. It’s one of the reasons I keep listening to her new song on repeat. Aside from it being stupidly catchy and fun to yell. I keep trying to think of an out bi guy, but I can’t. Who’s bi?”
“I don’t know, but I’d be okay being in the same company as Lady Gaga.” He did a dance step and a twirl in the middle of his room.
“To the Googles! ...Marlon Brando? Is that for real?”
“Stellaaaaaaaa!”
It took Kurt a few moments to stop giggling. “Alan Cumming.”
“Who’s that?”
“He’s an actor. Kind of old, now, but he was cute. We should do a bi movie night. With actors and characters who are bi.”
“Hey, anything to trap you into watching old movies with me.” Blaine did another dance step, sliding across the room. “They show old movies at the Realto. That’s not too far from Dalton. I was able to get there and back... in one night.”
In his head, Blaine imagined himself tiptoeing around a land mine wearing a fluffy pink sweater.
“I’m not going to fall apart if you mention your date with Rachel.” Kurt’s voice was dry, but not biting, thankfully. “I admit that I’m kind of curious. She already told me that it went wonderfully, and that you both know the lines to Love Story. I’m sure in her mind, you two already have a passel of warbling curly-haired babies.”
Blaine swallowed.
“So let’s not go see that.”
“You’re suddenly okay with this?”
“If I’m honest, I’m not really okay with you dating Rachel. But I should try to be a little more openminded.”
Blaine closed his eyes. “I wish I were better at all this stuff. It’s all so complicated... I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“That’s not your fault. I’ll get over it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.”
“Yes, I should, because you didn’t do it on purpose. I know you, Blaine Warbler, and maybe you can get bitchy when you’re hurt, but you’re no Mr. Darcy.”
“With or without zombies?”
“Either.” Kurt yawned. Blaine heard the ruffling of some papers.
“So. If I were exploring with other girls, ones you didn’t know, would it be easier?”
“I still don’t know if I’d have been mature about it, but I can make myself be more mature in the future. That’s all I can say... But if you’re in true love with Rachel, don’t let me stop you.”
“I don’t know if I’m gay or bi, but after that date, I think Rachel and I should just be friends. We don’t have to talk about it if it’s weird. Let’s talk about your-”
“No. You want to talk about what happened, right? I can be a good listener. Especially since I know it doesn’t end in sweet lady kisses.”
“Rachel told you about that?”
“She wants to lay one on you to prove that you’re straight.”
Blaine paused, frowning deeply and sat back down at his computer desk. “Straight was never one of the options.”
“It seems she and I both need some lessons on bisexuality. And probably the whole of Lima. But her dads are gay, and if they’re not sensitive about it, given how clueful she’s proved about gay issues in general, I don’t doubt she doesn’t think bisexuality exists at all. I mean, I’m sure for her that makes it seem like she’s gotten word from the authority.”
“I guess. Maybe we’re just going to have to find some way to educate ourselves. Our parents sure don’t know anything.”
“Are you going to dish about this date or not?”
“Okay, okay. So... I don’t want to be mean about it. It wasn’t terrible, and we had some laughs, but...”
Kurt waited at the table, stirring sugar into a medium drip coffee and looking up at the men’s room door frequently. A million things were rushing through his mind right now and he kept pushing bits of them out of his head because he was trying to focus on what he should do when Blaine came back out. And what he had to do.
It had stung when Rachel said so bluntly, “Who cares about you?” He should have expected it. That’s how Rachel was. He’s always known that. Though, he didn’t understand the “100% gay” crack or why she’d taken it so easily, even though she was apparently just using Blaine’s struggle as material for her songs.
Pushing that aside now.
Although it was hard to not to think about that sour, awkward kiss in the back of Finn’s car. Why had Blaine spent the whole week questioning himself over Rachel? Why had their kiss meant nothing? Answering his own question, for perhaps the seventh time this week, Kurt acknowledged by that point in the evening Blaine probably didn’t even remember what had been happening, and it wouldn’t be fair to hold that against him or even embarrass him with that information. Turning right around to answer himself again, Kurt had to wonder why, even if Blaine didn’t remember, he was willing to experiment with people he’d barely met, and Kurt wasn’t even on his radar.
Why did he have to fight so hard for something Blaine would give away to everyone else?
Pushing it out of his mind. He had his friendship with Blaine. And that was worth it, and important enough to fight for. It wasn’t Blaine’s fault if he wasn’t attracted to Kurt.
Blaine had been in there a long time. Kurt closed his eyes and imagined Blaine’s fluffy curls bouncing as he danced. Instead of the terrible music Rachel had chosen, Kurt played “Born This Way” in the background of the image.
No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life. I’m on the right track baby, I was born to survive.
“Rainbows. Stay calm and think of rainbows.”
Finally, Blaine came out, with a hand in his hair and his lips tight. He spotted Kurt, and looking visibly relieved (which was a total relief to Kurt), came over.
“Rachel left?”
“She got what she came for. Angst for her song-writing.”
“Ah. I think she mentioned that.” Blaine frowned as Kurt pushed the coffee and his favorite flavor muffin at him.
“You got this for me?”
“Well, you’re usually hungry after school.” Kurt shrugged. “Oh, if we all had your amazing metabolism.”
“Stop. You look fine. Whoever told you that you were pear-shaped anyway?” Blaine took a sip of his coffee, then picked up the strawberry banana nut muffin for a nibble.
“How is it?”
“...Just right.”
“How are you?”
“Gay, apparently. And dumb. I turned my life upside down over one kiss.”
“As if straight people don’t do that,” Kurt scoffed. “Is this really over? Rachel isn’t the only girl in the world. By far.”
“Well, I told you I wasn’t feeling anything on the date. I did like that kiss, though. The first one.” He shredded the edge of the muffin wrapper. “Maybe it was just the alcohol.”
“Maybe. Quinn and Mercedes kissed that night, too. And that wasn’t even during spin the bottle.” Kurt tapped his stirrer on the table. “My Google searching brings up the theory that maybe no one is entirely straight or gay. I mean, the theory says it’s incredibly rare. Have you heard of the Kinsey scale?”
“No?”
“It says that people are on a scale of zero to six, with one as super straight and five as super gay, but not that many people are true zeroes or sixes. It falls somewhere in the middle. Maybe you’re like, a five, or something. Just occasionally attracted to the opposite sex if the person is right?”
“Maybe.”
“Obviously, I’m a seven,” Kurt attempted to joke. He stirred his own coffee, feeling almost too tense to breathe.
“Thanks, Kurt.”
“It’s just coffee,” he managed.
“Do you still want to do movie night this weekend?” Blaine looked up hopefully.
Be strong for once, Kurt. “Actually, I was going to spend some time with Mercedes and Tina. I feel bad. I’ve been neglecting them since I started going to Dalton.”
It was true. But Kurt had been thinking a lot this week, and if he really wanted to keep his friendship with Blaine, he was going to have to manufacture some distance. This was just too hard, and it wasn’t fair to either of them.
“Is that okay? I’ll keep in touch.” We both know I need to get over you. Please let me try, Kurt pleaded silently. At the same time, he almost hoped Blaine would convince him to spend the time together instead. Why Kurt liked being in pain so much, he couldn’t discern.
Blaine seemed to pout into his coffee. “You know, I need to spend some time with David, too. He’s been complaining that he can only get my attention by licking my ear. You and I see each other every day.”
Kurt clapped his hands together. “So. We play in our own sandboxes this weekend, make sure our other friends don’t feel neglected, and trade notes on Monday?”
Blaine let out a heavy sigh, then nodded. “Let’s make a pact.”
“A pact? For the weekend?” Kurt’s brow wrinkled. “Like in the movies?”
“A friend pact. To always respect each other, no matter how poor of a choice we think the other is making, and never to walk away from a fight without resolving it.” Blaine looked up, and for the first time in a while, Kurt saw a flicker of the wisdom that had made Kurt look up to him in the first place.
Funny how they both looked up to one another, yet both could let each other down so hard.
“Even if I cry?” Kurt gave Blaine a gentle smile.
“Even if I cry. I don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“You were never going to lose me. We’re stronger than that.”
Blaine took a bear-sized bite of his pink muffin. Kurt smiled, because he had obviously been right about Blaine being hungry.
“Is a pact too idealistic?” Blaine asked after swallowing.
Kurt shook his head. “I could use a little optimism in my life.”
They raised both their cups of medium drip coffee and toasted to their pact. The tension slowly released as they sat together, catching up on what they’d missed in each other’s week. For a moment, it almost felt normal.
“Why can’t dating be this easy,” Blaine murmured at a lull in the conversation.
Kurt considered that statement for a moment and crushed a few crystals of sugar under his thumbnail.
“I don’t know. But you let me know when you find out.”
