Title: Waiting for Magic (but not like this) 3/3
Pair: Klaine!
Includes: magic, highlight for spoilers: mpreg of a non-main character
Word count: (total) ~18,150, (this part) ~7227
Summary: Blaine is magically transformed. Omigod.
Set after S3 “Big Brother” then goes AU. I didn’t even try to make it match up, though there are some repurposing of the events in “Choke.”
This fic is for my bb,![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
xenachakram12! I'll post the final on Friday so she can have it all by the weekend.
Part One ♥ Part Two
Part Three
Curiosity and alarm flickered in Rachel’s eyes. The bus bumped along, air conditioning blasting unnecessarily. She watched Kurt without saying anything as he stared blankly at the back of the seat in front of him, saying nothing, doing nothing. Not even listening to music. His iPod sat in his hand along with the earbuds. His other arm tucked around Blaine, keeping him warm. Kurt wasn’t unaware of the weight of her eyes. She probably thought he’d completely lost it, from the way he’d been acting since they’d boarded the bus together the previous night. He just couldn’t care right now.
Rachel’s dads had offered to fly her-- there wasn’t much sleep to be had between incessant coughing and talking and all the stops-- but this was a solidarity thing. Kurt knew that while she wanted to be lovely and fresh as a daisy for her big debut, she also didn’t want to do this alone.
As much as Rachel thought Kurt was off his rocker, he knew they both were. After their subartic bus trip, they’d go to the hotel room, clean up, and then both go out for two auditions a piece. Saturday, they had more, and they’d be hopping back on a bus late Saturday evening and rolling into Lima late afternoon to evening on Sunday completely drained. It was a whirlwind trip, unlikely to be much fun, but travel wasn’t cheap, nor were hotel rooms. This was the ugly business of budget campus visits.
“Um, so, about Baby...” Rachel said.
Kurt fed Blaine a leaf, then took a bite out of his Kashi bar. “I don’t want to hear it. Where I go, he goes.”
Blaine bleated and bobbed his head.
Rachel leaned forward, her eyes bulging. “Gosh, they make those little guys smart.”
“He is smart. He’s amazing. Actually.”
“Brittany’s started calling him your boyfriend,” Rachel joked. Her eyes widened as Kurt pressed his fingers to his temple and flattened his lips. “Oh, oh, I didn’t mean-”
“I’ll be the eccentric old stage queen,” Kurt muttered. “Single, bitchy, and carrying around his weird exotic pet, having grown incapable of making any kind of human connection with anyone.”
“Waugh...” Blaine nuzzled his face into Kurt’s neck. Kurt rubbed his thumb over Blaine’s nose.
“Kurt...” Rachel held her hands in her lap. “I’m... I’m going to hug you now.”
“Please don’t- Oof.” Kurt closed his eyes and didn’t fight it. She squeezed him tight and patted his back. Kurt sighed. “Sorry. I guess you expected this trip to be madcap fun. Breaking into Gershwin theatre and other New York adventures.”
“I guess you expected Blaine to be back by now.” She sat back and stared at him with raw sympathy.
“Something like that,” Kurt whispered. As little as his friends had brought up the topic, Kurt didn’t know whether it made him feel better or worse for someone to bluntly address the giraffe in the room.
“They’ll find him,” she said with a cheerful confidence. “Right, Baby?”
Blaine looked at her, his ears back, and sighed.
“I know!” she said in an embarrassingly babyfied voice. “Kurt is so sad! Let’s cheer him up with a rousing rendition of... my audition piece!”
Kurt pressed his tongue to the inside of his lower lip and did not veil the impatience in his eyes.
“Don’t tell me not to live just sit and putta!” she sang, holding her hands out in front of her, and smiling like she a happily deranged serial killer. “Life’s candy and the sun’s a ball of butta! Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my paraaade.”
“Waa-aaa-aaagh!” Blaine added on the last note.
Rachel looked at him with unbridled joy. Then she looked to Kurt and started singing again, with Blaine joining in with long, off-key bleats. He couldn’t help but laugh at them. And feel pity for their fellow Greyhound passengers.
***
Kurt had been practicing three pieces in rotation for his auditions. The idea of having three pieces he could screw up on instead of one was a little daunting but he’d chosen them for the tone of each school, and hopefully, his preparation would pay off. Not to mention, if he got a bad feeling about one, he had something else he could belt in its place.
Rachel on the other hand, choked on her first audition. She just completely blew it. She screwed up the words, twice, then burst into tears. The moment was so surreal that Kurt had to look down at his giraffe boyfriend to give himself a reality check. One of the judges advised her to leave the stage (eliciting another wail), compose herself, and come back in five minutes. Kurt hurried backstage and set Blaine down so he could help Rachel calm herself before getting back out there.
After that, she managed to hit it, and had no trouble for her second audition. Overall, though, it had been an extremely trying day. They were both sleep deprived, underfed, and stressed out. NYADA would be the next day, and Rachel was telling him scary things about the judges they would be singing for. One of whom had a penchant for kicking people out of her performances for checking their cell phones.
But if nothing else, Kurt knew how to put his feelings away. He had to, if he was going to sing while mourning the amazing life Blaine would have led as a human being. Blaine had affected everyone he met, would have brought so much light and kindness to the world, and he didn’t need a spell to do it.
After Kurt finished his audition for AMDA, which had resulted in one of the judges leaning forward and telling him he was absolutely charming, Rachel grabbed his arm and declared it time to eat.
“We can probably find a grocery store and bring it back to the ho-”
“No.” She pulled him up to the curb and started waving for a taxi. “My dads gave me some food money, and we’re going out. We deserve it, Kurt. All this work! And doing all that additional research and planning for these schools ourselves? God, just the stress of waiting for letters deserves cheesecake.”
Kurt chuckled. Rachel nodded, and Blaine bleated his approval.
“Is that so?” Kurt stroked his nose. “Thanks for holding him. He gets nervous, on his own.”
“I think he’s okay on his own. He’s just claustrophobic. He doesn’t like to be shut away. I’ll hold him when you audition tomorrow, though. There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight, after you saved me today.”
“I didn’t save you,” Kurt protested.
A taxi stopped for them and Rachel tugged on Kurt to get him inside.
“You did so. Driver! Hi! We’re visiting the city to look at schools, and we need someplace close by for dinner. Not too expensive, but not McDonald’s. Oh, and I’m a vegan, so someplace that wouldn’t mind making me something I can eat.”
“Oh, vegetarian?” the driver asked. Kurt couldn’t identify his accent. “No cow, yes?”
“No animals. If that’s too hard, just a good place, and I’ll find something!”
“No, no, can find, no problem.” He pulled into traffic. “My daughters, your age. You girls be careful, out here by yourselves, huh?”
Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Actually, I have Kurt, and he’s stronger than he looks!” Rachel said cheerfully. “He’s saved me once today already.”
“Oh?” The man checked his mirror. “You fooled me! The fashion, I don’t get these days! My girls, they would love you!”
Kurt smiled a little. Blaine rested his head against Kurt’s top and yawned widely.
“Sushi place near here,” the man continued. “Pretty good. Have something with the veg, always. Also, place called Cabana, my girls like. Latino/Caribbean food. Great plates. Little more expensive, but worth it for so much food.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that! Kurt?” Rachel batted her lashes at him.
“Okay. I’m down.” Kurt nodded. Unlike his brother, he’d learned when his opinion wasn’t really being asked. She was taking him out to try to cheer him, not just because they’d had a ridiculously long day.
They piled out in front of the restaurant, then waited together while Rachel gave Blaine a little lecture on being quiet in the restaurant. He slipped deep into Kurt’s bag and only peeked his nose out, causing her to giggle like mad. Kurt guessed that Blaine was just happy to be included. There had been so many things to see on their trip; Blaine had seemed a little overwhelmed at times.
Once they were sitting, they started out with some crispy plantains, and Rachel started talking again about how Kurt saved her metaphorical Broadway life, and then babbled nervously about her audition for NYADA.
“I know. That’s the one I’m most worried about, if only because they take so few people. One slip up, and your chances of getting in just become zero, realistically. Unless you use witchcraft, I guess.” Kurt sighed.
“If I thought it would get me into NYADA? I would do pretty much anything.“
“Try to restrain yourself. There’s committed, and then there’s involuntarily committed. Don’t let the admissions people think you’re crazy, Rachel,” Kurt advised. “I decided while I was auditioning for York which song I’m doing tomorrow. Definitely. It’ll be strange on a foreign stage, but I did bring the pants.”
“The pants...? The gold pants?! Kurt, you can’t!”
“Life’s too short, babe, and time is a’flyin’,” Kurt sang. He shook his head then said, “What am I saving all my risks for? NYADA is a Broadway school, and they’ll want to see that I can perform the up and coming shows. And I need to do numbers that excite me. Anyway, you proved today that ‘safe’ is not necessarily safe.”
Rachel closed her eyes and touched her chest like she couldn’t breathe. “I really wanted to do that song for NYADA, but now I’m getting nervous.”
“It’s not like you don’t have something else ready to go. You always do.” Kurt moved his finger around the edge of his drink. “Lay a few on me before we go to bed tonight. I’ll even dance with you, if you want a partner up there.”
“I don’t know. You might pull focus from me.” She eyed him suspiciously, then smiled.
“I can only be who I be,” Kurt said, feigning cockiness. He looked down at Blaine’s nose and smiled sadly at him.
“Do you think he’d like some plantains?” Rachel leaned over with a piece.
Kurt held up his palm, blocking her hand. “No. Better not. I think Dave snuck him some popcorn at the movies, and he was barfing for two days.”
“Aw! Poor widdle guy!”
“The widdle guy is asleep, I think.” Kurt sighed and leaned on his hand. He wished they’d serve them alcohol. Granted. It was illegal. And he tried not to drink often. But he could sure use it.
“How about... we get the Coco Cabana Vegetales and split it? These platters look big, and we don’t want to be weighed down. Or is that enough protein for you?”
Kurt looked at the menu. “We could get... some black beans on the side. I don’t really want to try eating meat at a new restaurant the night before the biggest audition of my life. I saw Bridesmaids.”
“And here I thought it would be the penis jokes that would have traumatized you,” Rachel teased.
“They did. But I got over it.” Kurt closed the menu slowly and breathed out through his circled lips. “Oh, honey. I got over it.”
Rachel’s shriek of laughter caused Blaine to startle in his bag and start bleating in fright. Kurt reached into the bag and stroked his neck. Blaine popped his head out and looked around.
“Sorry, baby.” Kurt grinned as Blaine stretched up and gave him a kiss.
“Oh, gosh. He is too cute.” Rachel leaned over and puckered her lips.
Blaine looked at Kurt briefly, then shook his head.
“Just my luck.” Rachel sipped her water. “Every time I find a cute guy, he’s gay.”
***
Kurt tucked his little tuckered out Blaine under the covers of the bed and reached into his bag for his toiletries. He had to get his routine underway so he could listen to Rachel’s last minute audition selections before trying to get some rest for tomorrow.
“If he wakes up, pet his neck a little so he remembers he’s not alone. I don’t want him to get too scared,” Kurt advised.
“I’ll be good to your little man,” Rachel promised. “Honestly, Kurt, if I’d known how adorable you are with a pet, I would have gotten you a kitty years ago.”
“Only if kitty plays well with my baby.” Kurt looked back at Blaine snoozing on the bed for a moment before ducking into the bathroom. “This is not what I meant when I said I wanted my senior year to be magical.”
He stripped off of his clothes piece by piece. Maybe he could find another witch, a more powerful witch. He just had to make sure that he was the only one who got the magical bitchslap. No one else.
Kurt had just wet his hair when he heard Rachel screaming in the other room. He nearly fell on his ass getting out of the tub and bolting back into the main suite.
Rachel was on her bed, letting out little shrieks that she would surely regret tomorrow. And Blaine...
Blaine was Blaine. With blankets crumpled around him, naked and beautiful and glistening and human.
“Omigod!” Kurt leapt onto the bed, grabbed Blaine’s face with both hands, and kissed him all over his wonderful, furless, human face.
Blaine worked his mouth and shook his head. “Kurt... Kurt...” he breathed out his name in disbelief, then touched his throat. “I can... I’m...”
“I love you, I love you, oh, god, baby...”
Blaine’s hands went through Kurt’s hair, over his shoulders, and then up and down his sides before Blaine just wrapped himself around Kurt and squeezed. “I just... I just want to hold you forever!”
“Oh, oh...” Rachel moaned and fell over on the bed. “I’m having a nervous breakdown.”
Blaine looked over at her. “Uh.” Then he looked down at himself. “I have no clothes.”
Rachel uncovered her eyes. “Naked boys. Hot naked boys. Oh, I’m hallucinating. I had a stroke after ruining my audition and my life and my dreams, and now I’m having an Owl Creek occurrence à la the LOGO channel...”
“Honey, breathe.” Kurt kept a hand on Blaine’s arm as he turned to her. “I know, this seems crazy, but... No, there’s no explaining it. What you saw was real, okay?”
“Blaine was an adorable little giraffe. That was real?”
“Yes,” Kurt said. “He was turned into a giraffe, and he just now changed back.”
Rachel lifted her head and looked straight at Blaine. Her brows raised. Then her eyes drifted downward.
“Ohhh-kay. You’re recovering.” Kurt turned back to Blaine, blocking him from Rachel’s view, and pressed another kiss on him. A proper one, licking along the top of Blaine’s upper lip and sucking gently.
“God, Kurt. You’ve really been working on your... dancing,” Rachel muttered.
Kurt frowned back at her, took Blaine’s hand and pulled him toward the bathroom. Blaine stumbled a bit and held onto Kurt to keep his balance. Kurt locked the door behind them.
“You,” Kurt whispered. The wind had left him just now. He couldn’t stop petting Blaine’s face.
“I just can’t believe it.” Blaine let his head fall back against the door. “I thought I’d have something more profound to say after not being able to do anything but go ‘wauuuughhh’ for two weeks.” Kurt laughed and hugged Blaine to him. “You don’t have to say anything. Or you can say everything. Or you can sing. I don’t care!”
“Who would have thought we could count on Cooper to come through?” Blaine’s laughter died, and his face grew tight. “Do you think he’s still alive?”
“I don’t know. Delilah wouldn’t say what he owed.” Kurt looked down and bit his lip. His hand moved over Blaine’s firm, muscular abs. “Ohhh-kay.”
He walked over to his cell phone on the counter and texted Cooper’s number.
You alive?
“That’s subtle.” Blaine hugged Kurt from behind and hooked his chin over Kurt’s shoulder.
The response came after a minute.
And then some. Is my brother okay?
Kurt looked back at Blaine and smiled from ear to ear.
He’s wonderful.
***
Kurt’s intended quick shower had turned into a soapy grope-fest between the two of them. They couldn’t get enough of touching one another, and Blaine obviously couldn’t get enough of having hands. Learning to walk on two legs again had been easier than his transition to giraffe-hood, and everything else was just a strange memory.
There was pretty much no disguising what they’d been doing in the shower, and when they both returned with towels tucked around their waists, Rachel’s cheeks were bright red.
“Okay. You two need to find clothing, and also, tell me what the hell is going on!”
Kurt pulled out a shirt for himself to wear and lent Blaine his pajama bottoms. Rachel ordered up a burger for Blaine, which he went after with an eagerness that was truly distracting as Kurt tried to explain things to Rachel.
“What are we going to tell everyone else?” Rachel asked.
Blaine wiped his mouth. “Well, I guess I can reappear come Monday and say I got back from Europe, and my mother didn’t let me call Kurt while I was gone. Or... I lost my phone? If nothing else, Cooper gave us a decent cover story.”
“Weeell.” Rachel took a french fry. “I may have texted a few people while you two were... showering.”
Kurt raised a brow. “What? Why?”
“I got excited!”
Kurt rolled his eyes and rubbed Blaine’s back. “Don’t make yourself sick,” he said.
“I’m not your pet anymore. I can feed myself,” Blaine replied. He covered his mouth as he burped, then set second half of the big burger down.
Kurt kissed his cheek. “So people know... what? That Blaine was a giraffe?”
“I’m not stupid,” Rachel said. “I just told Finn-”
“Hm.” So his dad knew, in addition to probably Sam and Carole.
“And Mercedes-”
Kurt groaned. Now everyone would know.
“Stop it! I told them that we found Blaine. When they asked for details I said... you were celebrating.”
Blaine looked over to Kurt with tented brows. “I dunno. I’m not that good at lying.”
“We’ll think about it on the bus ride home...” Kurt tilted his head to the side. “We need to get Blaine a ticket.”
“How about you two share that joy and I get my dads to buy me a plane ticket?” Rachel suggested.
“C’mon!” Blaine grinned suddenly. “You don’t want to sing with me again on the way back? These are the best, craziest times of our lives!”
“No one has a crazier life than you two. Oh!” Rachel hopped off the bed and went over to the desk, which was covered in sheet music. “Now I have two of you to help me pick what numbers to do tomorrow!”
Kurt looked at Blaine, who shrugged and flopped over to rest his head in Kurt’s lap while Rachel practiced.
***
By the time Rachel had settled on her new plan of attack, Kurt was thoroughly exhausted, though Blaine didn’t seem too tired.
“This is what you get for napping all day,” Kurt grumbled, trying to find a way to curl up with Blaine comfortably.
“What can I say. Being a giraffe is kind of boring.” Blaine looked over at Rachel, who had her eye mask on and muffs over her ears for maximum rest before the auditions. He put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders to still him, then got behind him and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist.
“There.” Blaine kissed the back of Kurt’s neck. “That okay? I just... I miss being able to cuddle up like this. Not that you didn’t take great care of me.”
Kurt let out a shaky breath and covered his eyes as a surge of emotion came out of nowhere.
“Don’t be upset,” Blaine murmured against his neck.
“I was just... Y-You know I was holding on by a thread, right? I’m so glad you’re you again.”
“Same here.”
Kurt smiled and looked back at him.
“Ohh, this feels good,” Blaine groaned. “No more settling on your pillow and wishing I were a real boy.”
“That must’ve been awful,” Kurt whispered.
“Frustrating, mostly. And really terrifying, at first. I had no idea what had happened to me, or what I was. All I knew was that everything was huge, and I was tiny. Well, tinier than usual.” Kurt smirked and grabbed Blaine’s hand, threading their fingers together.
“And you didn’t know me.” Blaine pouted for a second.
“Sorry about that.”
“How could you? I was surprised that you ever figured it out.”
“You were still pretty Blaineish, for a giraffe.”
Blaine draped his leg over Kurt’s. “You... You offered your life for me.”
Kurt pressed his lips together and squeezed Blaine’s hand.
“You’re so brave.”
“It’s more that I can’t see my life without you in it. That’s all.”
Blaine pressed his forehead against Kurt’s neck and sighed deeply. “You are the love of my life.”
“Mon petit girafe,” Kurt muttered sleepily.
“Go to sleep. You need it for tomorrow. God, I’m so glad I can be there with... hands and words to help you keep calm.” Blaine petted Kurt’s side. “Sleep, and I’ll be right here.”
***
The three of them started off the day with Bagels at Tiffany’s, with Blaine wearing Kurt’s spare set of clothing. Though it should have been the most nerve-wracking day of Kurt’s life, and he did almost hyperventilate before his NYADA audition, he was still too full of happiness to fixate on any bad things that could happen. By the end of the day, it was all out of their hands. The three of them went to dinner together and to see a show before heading back onto the cramped, frigid bus.
This time, though, Kurt was able to put down the middle armrest, and Blaine curled around him, keeping him warm.
“If Finn turned into an animal, what do you think he’d be?” Rachel wondered, turning around in her seat.
“A cow,” Kurt answered, without opening his eyes.
Blaine chuckled. “Mean!”
“I was thinking more blank staring than weight.”
“No, I think he’d be a dog.”
Kurt opened one eye.
“You know, how he’s always just sticking his head in the door. Dogs do that. They’re all like, hey! What’cha doing in there!”
Rachel laughed. “He is not like a dog. I would have thought of him as a giraffe before you. You know, because he’s so tall.”
“It was weird to see puppy eyes on a giraffe,” Kurt said.
Blaine kissed Kurt’s forehead suddenly. Kurt looked up.
“I love you,” Blaine told him, like he was making a vow.
“I... Yeah. You said that to me less than an hour ago.”
“I’m enjoying being able to say it.”
“I love you, too,” Kurt murmured almost bashfully in return. He kicked off his shoes and curled his legs up.
“Blaine, you promised me songs!” Rachel said suddenly.
“Okay,” Blaine agreed. “I wanna start with Dreamgirls.”
Kurt chuckled.
“Well, I want to start practicing for my New York auditions, don’t I?”
***
When they reached the bus stop in Lima, Blaine looked at Kurt anxiously. They all hoped that no one would press too hard on their story. Or try to find out if Blaine really did have intensely religious family in New York who might try to force him to come live with them and straighten up his life.
“Oh!” Carole ran toward them when they moved away from the baggage area. Her arms went around Blaine first, and she kissed his cheek hard. Then she grabbed Kurt as well, and gave him a tight hug. “You boys!”
“Gave us all a scare, huh?” Burt slapped Blaine’s back. “Pick up a phone next time, huh? You can always crash with us, if things get too rough.”
Blaine nodded and looked down. Obviously, he felt bad about lying to Burt. Also, he had kind of crashed with them.
“We’re all just really tired. Sorry,” Kurt said.
“It was a great trip, though!” Rachel said, while being smothered by her dads. “Full of all those gritty real life things that you just have to experience to be a real actor!”
Kurt frowned at her, trying to figure out what had been gritty about their trip, other than her having to listen to his reunion with Blaine.
“Those buses... You didn’t have anyone harass you, did you?” Hiram asked. “People get kidnapped on these things. I heard a story about a man getting decapitated!”
“They all look like they have their heads to me, honey,” Leroy said.
“Tell us all about your auditions,” Hiram demanded. He waved at the Hudson-Hummels as he directed Rachel toward the car.
Kurt let out a breath and followed his parents, holding Blaine’s hand tightly. The ride home was quiet, and there were few sounds coming from the house when they arrived, save for Finn and Sam playing some violent video game.
When they entered, Finn jumped up (letting his guy die, apparently) and gave Blaine a big hug.
“Dude! I can’t believe it’s you!” he said with crazily big grin on his face.
“Yeah. I know, right?” Blaine laughed awkwardly.
“Welcome back. The guy-side of the choir room hasn’t been right without you,” Sam said. “Too much Puck-lip and not enough actual good ideas.”
Blaine’s face brightened up. “Wow. Um, thanks.”
Finn patted Kurt’s back. “We missed you too, but, you know. You weren’t gone that long.”
“I figured.” Kurt wrinkled his nose at Finn.
At that moment, Cooper stepped out of the kitchen. His arms were crossed over himself, and he looked very tired, and a little pale. His eyes fixed on Blaine, and Blaine dropped the small bag of Kurt’s he’d been carrying and drew closer to his brother.
“Coop?”
“Hey, kid.” He closed the distance and enveloped Blaine in his big arms. “S’good to hear your voice again.”
Blaine said nothing. He took a few unsteady breaths and nodded.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Cooper added. “And... I’m sorry. I really am. That I didn’t... um, do anything sooner. I guess I kept thinking I could fix everything, but... I should have been thinking about you, instead of what it would cost me.”
Blaine nodded again, then pulled back to look at his brother. “It- It’s okay,” he choked out.
Kurt dropped into a chair and pressed his fingers to his temple. His father’s hands landed on his shoulders and rubbed.
“Just breathe,” Burt said. “You guys have had a really awful couple of weeks. But that’s then, and things are okay now, huh?”
Kurt looked back at his father and nodded. Everything was okay.
***
It was a few days later before Kurt understood how Blaine had come to be himself again, though for the most part, he just didn’t care. He would take Blaine back however he could get him.
But he did miss getting to sleep with him every night.
Not one to miss opportunities, Kurt elected to spend the night over at Blaine’s before his parents started wandering back home. Normally, his father wouldn’t let him stay over unsupervised, but adults seemed to think that Cooper was one of their number, despite really being much more like a twelve year old.
“Does my neck look longer?” Blaine asked.
Kurt grabbed him around the waist and pulled him away from the mirror. “You’re crazy.”
“You spent the last two weeks confiding in a giraffe,” Blaine replied.
“Hm. Well, he was a very good listener.” Kurt kissed Blaine firmly. His brow raised as he heard a growl of frustration across the hall.
“Coop’s kind of... not been in a good mood,” Blaine said, looking over his shoulder.
“Is he angry that his charisma is gone?”
“No. And it’s not really gone. I still see people being charmed by him, even when he’s not trying.” Blaine settled his arm around Kurt’s back and peered into the hallway. “He’s really just been super moody since I got back. And Delilah’s been hanging around. That’s okay because she’s actually a good cook.”
“Huh.” Kurt took Blaine’s hand and tiptoed across the hallway.
The door was cracked open, and Cooper could be seen standing in his briefs and a t-shirt in front of his closet. A pile of well-tailored pants had formed on the bed.
“Coop?” Blaine leaned in the room cautiously.
Cooper turned around and crossed his arms. Kurt raised his brows as he noticed the reason for the pants pile. In the gap between his fitted white tee and his navy blue boxers, his tummy was poking out just a little.
What an evil spell! Weight gain! Maybe the witches had wanted Cooper’s metabolism?(Kurt would certainly offer up some spells to secure that.)
“What do you want?” Cooper asked.
“Just um...” Blaine’s eyes went wide, and he stepped back.
“Just checking to see if you were okay,” Kurt said. “Do you need anything?”
“A sewing machine,” Cooper said. He sighed and sat on his bed.
“Well, I do sew,” Kurt said. “And I do need a way to apologize for slapping you so hard.”
Cooper’s frown turned on Kurt.
“Don’t get me wrong. You deserved it. But there’s no excuse for violence.”
Delilah came in from behind with a glass of water. She set it on the nightstand with a couple of pills.
“You are a bitch,” Cooper snapped.
“Well, clearly,” she said cheerfully. “Drink your water and take your vitamins.”
“What did you do to him?” Blaine asked.
“She’s ruining my life, that’s what she’s doing,” Cooper grumbled.
She pointed to the water, and he scooped up the pills and downed them both.
“What the hell is this?” he asked after swallowing. He was pointing to his stomach.
“I’m not sure I understand the question.” She sat in a chair by Cooper’s desk, adjusting her loose spaghetti strap tank top calmly.
“You just cast the spell a week ago. How am I this fat already?”
Delilah raised a brow. Blaine leaned forward to look, like he hadn’t noticed that Cooper had gained any weight.
“Well, honey, women start counting from their last missed period. You don’t have one. So...” She rose and came over to pat over his abdomen, smiling as though she was pleased with herself. “What you have is everything tucking into place. And bowl distention, probably.”
Cooper crossed his arms and pouted.
“Oh, you’ll get used to it. It’ll be fine,” Delilah assured him. “You’re glad to have your brother back, aren’t you? I don’t even think Ella could figure out how to undo that curse if you hadn’t consented to your contract.”
“Of course, I’m glad he’s back.” Cooper looked over at Blaine, who dipped his head and smiled softly. Then Blaine came over to his brother’s side and rubbed his back. Cooper relaxed his shoulders and rubbed his hand over his mouth. “Thanks.”
Kurt eyed the three of them, then got a crazy notion in his head. “What exactly was Cooper’s contract? What’s happening to him?”
“We gave him a magical level of charisma to help him ‘make it’ as an actor,” Delilah said, still looking at Cooper with that little smile. “And after five years, he was to provide the vessel for rebirthing our order’s high priestess.”
Blaine brow creased. Then his eyes went wide and he looked not so subtly at his brother’s stomach. “Wait, what?”
“He’s pregnant?” Kurt asked. He crossed his arms over himself, remembering that he’d offered himself up to take Cooper’s place for this.
“I’m just swelling with joy!” Cooper said dryly.
“It won’t be so bad!” Delilah touched his knee. “I’m around to make sure everything goes smoothly, and no one will notice. I mean, they’ll notice you gaining weight, but they won’t ever think more of it than that. The spell will diffuse their attention. You can even keep doing commercials, if you want to.”
“Why would I want captured evidence of me turning into a whale?” Cooper asked.
Delilah ignored him and looked at Kurt and Blaine. “Not too different from how people noticed you had a tiny giraffe but hardly anyone freaked out like they should have.”
“Aw. I’m gonna be an uncle.” Blaine leaned over and hugged Cooper around the waist.
Cooper looked annoyed, twisting his lips, but then his expression softened, and he put his arms around his brother. It seemed he really had missed Blaine. “I don’t get to keep her,” he said gently. “So. Y’know. Don’t get too attached.”
Blaine looked up.
“Well. It’ll depend,” Delilah said. “If you want to be in her life, I’m sure she could use a father. See how you feel in a few months. You’re not required, but nothing says you aren’t allowed, either.”
“Your ‘order’ wants a guy around?” Cooper said dryly.
“Our order has more than a few men. They’re very sweet.” Her lips quirked to the side. “You could take a few lessons.”
Kurt touched his lips and sat next to Blaine. “Why Cooper? You don’t seem too old to have a baby yourself, and there are other women in your order.”
“Yes, that’s true. I explained this to Cooper when we made the deal, but it’s more about bloodlines, and that comes from Cooper’s maternal line.” Delilah shrugged. “When you narrow it like that, our options for getting a vessel for this particular spell narrowed considerable, and it took most of us to pull it off, in any case.”
“So that’s why I couldn’t fill in? I don’t have a shiny, magical bloodline?”
Delilah examined her nail polish. “Well, you have to have the right one, and that person has to consent during the time of the ritual. It’s complicated. And the magic can be... idiocyncratic. But don’t worry. Despite his endless bitching, Cooper be safe as the baby grows.”
“Good,” Blaine said. He sat up, still staring at his brother’s middle.
Cooper made a shooing motion with his hand. “I know you two didn’t plan a ‘sleepover’ to hang out with me.”
“No, but maybe after we play some boardgames and paint each others toenails, we could come down and make some dinner or something,” Kurt suggested.
“Boardgames?” Blaine looked up at Kurt.
Kurt tilted his head back and looked up innocently.
“Oh! Let’s go play some boardgames!” Blaine said too enthusiastically, grabbing Kurt’s hand and pulling him towards the door.
“Use condoms!” Cooper called after them dryly. “Don’t get pregnant!”
***
Kurt lay back, spent, but Blaine still straddled his legs, cupping his face and delivering one slow kiss after another to his waiting, flushed lips. Kurt pushed him back, and Blaine straightened, giving Kurt a delicious view of Blaine’s pouty lips, his lovely olive skin, and the wall of abs.
Kurt shuddered.
“Do you feel fine? So deep down good?” Blaine asked.
Kurt laughed and reached up to pull Blaine down again, kissing each cheek, then his eyebrows. “I missed everything about you. Every part of you, from your furry eyebrows-”
“Ha!”
“To your soft, baby fine hair, to your skin, your lips, your teeth, your nose, your pecs-” Kurt pinched them softly and glided his hands down Blaine’s freshly manscaped torso. “Oh, your thighs. And this knob.”
“Knob??”
Kurt rubbed his fingers over Blaine’s hips, down the cut of where his torso met his legs.
“You just want me for my body, huh?” Blaine teased.
“I think the last two weeks pretty clearly told us I’d still be with you even if you didn’t have it.”
“Ah, good. Now I can get fat.” Blaine laughed and snuggled up beside Kurt.
“Even then.” Kurt stroked his thumb over Blaine’s nose. “I missed the way you scrunch your nose. I missed how floofy your hair gets when you don’t try to drown it in hair gel, and how you try to hide it from me, like I don’t already know and you’re still trying to impress me. I missed... Your voice. And your humor and... your quiet... everything. The way I know you love me by the little touches you give me...”
His throat growing tight, Kurt leaned into Blaine, and let his arms wrap him up in warmth. Their last few weeks had been intense, and fraught, and just plain silly, but maybe that’s what real magic brought to their lives. Kurt much preferred their own kind of magic.
“Can we still paint our toenails?” Blaine asked. He rubbed his nose against Kurt’s.
Kurt laughed and touched the sticky stuff on his stomach. “Yeah, maybe after we clean up a little.”
Blaine reached over to his nightstand and pulled out a package of moist towelettes.
“I even missed the fact that you are more, shall we say, sexually advanced than I am.”
“By that you mean perverted.” Blaine grinned as he wiped off Kurt’s skin.
“One of us has to be.”
“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Once we get going...” Blaine raised a brow.
Kurt bit his lip, then grabbed Blaine’s wrists and rolled him over onto his back.
***
Leaning on his elbow over the counter, Kurt smiled as he watched Blaine’s hands move over the dough. His hair was freshly washed and starting to get a little fluffy as it dried; his feet were bare, with little cotton balls between each toe covered in sparkly blue polish.
“I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”
Blaine looked up and smiled. “That’s good to know, since apparently you could trade me for fame.”
“Not worth it. I love you more than fame.” Kurt narrowed his eyes as he trailed his fingers up and down Blaine’s bicep. “Maybe eternal youth and perfect skin...”
Blaine laughed. “Maybe I could trade you for straight hair.”
“Never! Don’t even joke.” Kurt grabbed him from behind and buried his face in Blaine’s hair.
“You two,” Cooper grumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen, “are sickening.”
His fingers were wrapped around a large owl mug, and he was wearing the same white t-shirt as before, with a pair of cotton jersey pajama bottoms.
“We’re going to paint your toenails, too,” Kurt warned.
“You... What?” Cooper turned from where he was reaching for teabags and frowned at them both. “And I don’t get a choice in this?”
“Nope!” Blaine said.
“This isn’t magic. It’s fashion. We don’t have to have your consent,” Kurt told him.
Blaine licked his fingers and started ladling Kurt’s sauce over the crust. “But if you go willingly, we’ll let you pick the color.”
“That’s more choice than you get with some magic.” Cooper yawned and filled his mug with water. “What choices are there?”
“Japanese Rose Garden, Lucky Lucky Lavender, Last Friday Night,” Kurt listed off. Blaine lifted his foot for Cooper to see on the last one. “And The One that Got Away-” Kurt lifted his own foot high up in the air to show off the dark berry color. “But you can’t wear that one because it’s my color. Oh, and slut red.”
“Slut red,” Cooper said automatically. He put his mug in the microwave and hit the button. “But only if you give me some pizza.”
Blaine nodded as he sprinkled olives over the dough. “Of course. My niece is hungry!”
“You need to stop, giraffe boy.” Cooper drifted by to mess with Blaine’s hair, then sat by the table, putting his feet up on another chair. “I take it everything was as you left it? You two sounded happy, anyway.”
Blaine turned around with his eyes wide.
Cooper laughed. “Oh, come on. I showed you porn for the first time. What are you so shy about?”
“Don’t be weird, Coop. I don’t want to talk to you about that,” Blaine muttered.
“Color me shocked that Cooper introduced you to porn,” Kurt drawled. He smiled at Cooper. “Everything went very well, thank you.”
As the pizza baked and Kurt painted Cooper’s toenails slut red (the actual name on the bottle was French Bordeaux), Blaine lingered near Kurt, watching with a calm intensity. They’d had their hurdles before, and would again, Kurt guessed, but there were no scraps of doubt that hadn’t been shaken off by this experience. They were forever, no matter what happened. No matter how ridiculous, no matter how frightening. They could weather bullies, bigots, meddling twinkies trying to come between them, and magic spells gone awry. They could weather a temporary separation or anything mundane that came up against them.
They could weather all of this, even if Kurt couldn’t control everything, or fix all his loved ones’ ills himself with cooking, singing, or outright obstinacy.
And, Kurt thought with a smile, if nothing else, this got Cooper to wake up just a little more and become more tender with little brother. It made Kurt happy to see that Blaine’s sense of family was growing stronger, if only with Cooper, and of course, the Hudson-Hummels, who would open their home to him at any time.
Pair: Klaine!
Includes: magic, highlight for spoilers: mpreg of a non-main character
Word count: (total) ~18,150, (this part) ~7227
Summary: Blaine is magically transformed. Omigod.
Set after S3 “Big Brother” then goes AU. I didn’t even try to make it match up, though there are some repurposing of the events in “Choke.”
This fic is for my bb,
xenachakram12! I'll post the final on Friday so she can have it all by the weekend.Part One ♥ Part Two
Part Three
Curiosity and alarm flickered in Rachel’s eyes. The bus bumped along, air conditioning blasting unnecessarily. She watched Kurt without saying anything as he stared blankly at the back of the seat in front of him, saying nothing, doing nothing. Not even listening to music. His iPod sat in his hand along with the earbuds. His other arm tucked around Blaine, keeping him warm. Kurt wasn’t unaware of the weight of her eyes. She probably thought he’d completely lost it, from the way he’d been acting since they’d boarded the bus together the previous night. He just couldn’t care right now.
Rachel’s dads had offered to fly her-- there wasn’t much sleep to be had between incessant coughing and talking and all the stops-- but this was a solidarity thing. Kurt knew that while she wanted to be lovely and fresh as a daisy for her big debut, she also didn’t want to do this alone.
As much as Rachel thought Kurt was off his rocker, he knew they both were. After their subartic bus trip, they’d go to the hotel room, clean up, and then both go out for two auditions a piece. Saturday, they had more, and they’d be hopping back on a bus late Saturday evening and rolling into Lima late afternoon to evening on Sunday completely drained. It was a whirlwind trip, unlikely to be much fun, but travel wasn’t cheap, nor were hotel rooms. This was the ugly business of budget campus visits.
“Um, so, about Baby...” Rachel said.
Kurt fed Blaine a leaf, then took a bite out of his Kashi bar. “I don’t want to hear it. Where I go, he goes.”
Blaine bleated and bobbed his head.
Rachel leaned forward, her eyes bulging. “Gosh, they make those little guys smart.”
“He is smart. He’s amazing. Actually.”
“Brittany’s started calling him your boyfriend,” Rachel joked. Her eyes widened as Kurt pressed his fingers to his temple and flattened his lips. “Oh, oh, I didn’t mean-”
“I’ll be the eccentric old stage queen,” Kurt muttered. “Single, bitchy, and carrying around his weird exotic pet, having grown incapable of making any kind of human connection with anyone.”
“Waugh...” Blaine nuzzled his face into Kurt’s neck. Kurt rubbed his thumb over Blaine’s nose.
“Kurt...” Rachel held her hands in her lap. “I’m... I’m going to hug you now.”
“Please don’t- Oof.” Kurt closed his eyes and didn’t fight it. She squeezed him tight and patted his back. Kurt sighed. “Sorry. I guess you expected this trip to be madcap fun. Breaking into Gershwin theatre and other New York adventures.”
“I guess you expected Blaine to be back by now.” She sat back and stared at him with raw sympathy.
“Something like that,” Kurt whispered. As little as his friends had brought up the topic, Kurt didn’t know whether it made him feel better or worse for someone to bluntly address the giraffe in the room.
“They’ll find him,” she said with a cheerful confidence. “Right, Baby?”
Blaine looked at her, his ears back, and sighed.
“I know!” she said in an embarrassingly babyfied voice. “Kurt is so sad! Let’s cheer him up with a rousing rendition of... my audition piece!”
Kurt pressed his tongue to the inside of his lower lip and did not veil the impatience in his eyes.
“Don’t tell me not to live just sit and putta!” she sang, holding her hands out in front of her, and smiling like she a happily deranged serial killer. “Life’s candy and the sun’s a ball of butta! Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my paraaade.”
“Waa-aaa-aaagh!” Blaine added on the last note.
Rachel looked at him with unbridled joy. Then she looked to Kurt and started singing again, with Blaine joining in with long, off-key bleats. He couldn’t help but laugh at them. And feel pity for their fellow Greyhound passengers.
Kurt had been practicing three pieces in rotation for his auditions. The idea of having three pieces he could screw up on instead of one was a little daunting but he’d chosen them for the tone of each school, and hopefully, his preparation would pay off. Not to mention, if he got a bad feeling about one, he had something else he could belt in its place.
Rachel on the other hand, choked on her first audition. She just completely blew it. She screwed up the words, twice, then burst into tears. The moment was so surreal that Kurt had to look down at his giraffe boyfriend to give himself a reality check. One of the judges advised her to leave the stage (eliciting another wail), compose herself, and come back in five minutes. Kurt hurried backstage and set Blaine down so he could help Rachel calm herself before getting back out there.
After that, she managed to hit it, and had no trouble for her second audition. Overall, though, it had been an extremely trying day. They were both sleep deprived, underfed, and stressed out. NYADA would be the next day, and Rachel was telling him scary things about the judges they would be singing for. One of whom had a penchant for kicking people out of her performances for checking their cell phones.
But if nothing else, Kurt knew how to put his feelings away. He had to, if he was going to sing while mourning the amazing life Blaine would have led as a human being. Blaine had affected everyone he met, would have brought so much light and kindness to the world, and he didn’t need a spell to do it.
After Kurt finished his audition for AMDA, which had resulted in one of the judges leaning forward and telling him he was absolutely charming, Rachel grabbed his arm and declared it time to eat.
“We can probably find a grocery store and bring it back to the ho-”
“No.” She pulled him up to the curb and started waving for a taxi. “My dads gave me some food money, and we’re going out. We deserve it, Kurt. All this work! And doing all that additional research and planning for these schools ourselves? God, just the stress of waiting for letters deserves cheesecake.”
Kurt chuckled. Rachel nodded, and Blaine bleated his approval.
“Is that so?” Kurt stroked his nose. “Thanks for holding him. He gets nervous, on his own.”
“I think he’s okay on his own. He’s just claustrophobic. He doesn’t like to be shut away. I’ll hold him when you audition tomorrow, though. There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight, after you saved me today.”
“I didn’t save you,” Kurt protested.
A taxi stopped for them and Rachel tugged on Kurt to get him inside.
“You did so. Driver! Hi! We’re visiting the city to look at schools, and we need someplace close by for dinner. Not too expensive, but not McDonald’s. Oh, and I’m a vegan, so someplace that wouldn’t mind making me something I can eat.”
“Oh, vegetarian?” the driver asked. Kurt couldn’t identify his accent. “No cow, yes?”
“No animals. If that’s too hard, just a good place, and I’ll find something!”
“No, no, can find, no problem.” He pulled into traffic. “My daughters, your age. You girls be careful, out here by yourselves, huh?”
Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Actually, I have Kurt, and he’s stronger than he looks!” Rachel said cheerfully. “He’s saved me once today already.”
“Oh?” The man checked his mirror. “You fooled me! The fashion, I don’t get these days! My girls, they would love you!”
Kurt smiled a little. Blaine rested his head against Kurt’s top and yawned widely.
“Sushi place near here,” the man continued. “Pretty good. Have something with the veg, always. Also, place called Cabana, my girls like. Latino/Caribbean food. Great plates. Little more expensive, but worth it for so much food.”
“Oh, I like the sound of that! Kurt?” Rachel batted her lashes at him.
“Okay. I’m down.” Kurt nodded. Unlike his brother, he’d learned when his opinion wasn’t really being asked. She was taking him out to try to cheer him, not just because they’d had a ridiculously long day.
They piled out in front of the restaurant, then waited together while Rachel gave Blaine a little lecture on being quiet in the restaurant. He slipped deep into Kurt’s bag and only peeked his nose out, causing her to giggle like mad. Kurt guessed that Blaine was just happy to be included. There had been so many things to see on their trip; Blaine had seemed a little overwhelmed at times.
Once they were sitting, they started out with some crispy plantains, and Rachel started talking again about how Kurt saved her metaphorical Broadway life, and then babbled nervously about her audition for NYADA.
“I know. That’s the one I’m most worried about, if only because they take so few people. One slip up, and your chances of getting in just become zero, realistically. Unless you use witchcraft, I guess.” Kurt sighed.
“If I thought it would get me into NYADA? I would do pretty much anything.“
“Try to restrain yourself. There’s committed, and then there’s involuntarily committed. Don’t let the admissions people think you’re crazy, Rachel,” Kurt advised. “I decided while I was auditioning for York which song I’m doing tomorrow. Definitely. It’ll be strange on a foreign stage, but I did bring the pants.”
“The pants...? The gold pants?! Kurt, you can’t!”
“Life’s too short, babe, and time is a’flyin’,” Kurt sang. He shook his head then said, “What am I saving all my risks for? NYADA is a Broadway school, and they’ll want to see that I can perform the up and coming shows. And I need to do numbers that excite me. Anyway, you proved today that ‘safe’ is not necessarily safe.”
Rachel closed her eyes and touched her chest like she couldn’t breathe. “I really wanted to do that song for NYADA, but now I’m getting nervous.”
“It’s not like you don’t have something else ready to go. You always do.” Kurt moved his finger around the edge of his drink. “Lay a few on me before we go to bed tonight. I’ll even dance with you, if you want a partner up there.”
“I don’t know. You might pull focus from me.” She eyed him suspiciously, then smiled.
“I can only be who I be,” Kurt said, feigning cockiness. He looked down at Blaine’s nose and smiled sadly at him.
“Do you think he’d like some plantains?” Rachel leaned over with a piece.
Kurt held up his palm, blocking her hand. “No. Better not. I think Dave snuck him some popcorn at the movies, and he was barfing for two days.”
“Aw! Poor widdle guy!”
“The widdle guy is asleep, I think.” Kurt sighed and leaned on his hand. He wished they’d serve them alcohol. Granted. It was illegal. And he tried not to drink often. But he could sure use it.
“How about... we get the Coco Cabana Vegetales and split it? These platters look big, and we don’t want to be weighed down. Or is that enough protein for you?”
Kurt looked at the menu. “We could get... some black beans on the side. I don’t really want to try eating meat at a new restaurant the night before the biggest audition of my life. I saw Bridesmaids.”
“And here I thought it would be the penis jokes that would have traumatized you,” Rachel teased.
“They did. But I got over it.” Kurt closed the menu slowly and breathed out through his circled lips. “Oh, honey. I got over it.”
Rachel’s shriek of laughter caused Blaine to startle in his bag and start bleating in fright. Kurt reached into the bag and stroked his neck. Blaine popped his head out and looked around.
“Sorry, baby.” Kurt grinned as Blaine stretched up and gave him a kiss.
“Oh, gosh. He is too cute.” Rachel leaned over and puckered her lips.
Blaine looked at Kurt briefly, then shook his head.
“Just my luck.” Rachel sipped her water. “Every time I find a cute guy, he’s gay.”
Kurt tucked his little tuckered out Blaine under the covers of the bed and reached into his bag for his toiletries. He had to get his routine underway so he could listen to Rachel’s last minute audition selections before trying to get some rest for tomorrow.
“If he wakes up, pet his neck a little so he remembers he’s not alone. I don’t want him to get too scared,” Kurt advised.
“I’ll be good to your little man,” Rachel promised. “Honestly, Kurt, if I’d known how adorable you are with a pet, I would have gotten you a kitty years ago.”
“Only if kitty plays well with my baby.” Kurt looked back at Blaine snoozing on the bed for a moment before ducking into the bathroom. “This is not what I meant when I said I wanted my senior year to be magical.”
He stripped off of his clothes piece by piece. Maybe he could find another witch, a more powerful witch. He just had to make sure that he was the only one who got the magical bitchslap. No one else.
Kurt had just wet his hair when he heard Rachel screaming in the other room. He nearly fell on his ass getting out of the tub and bolting back into the main suite.
Rachel was on her bed, letting out little shrieks that she would surely regret tomorrow. And Blaine...
Blaine was Blaine. With blankets crumpled around him, naked and beautiful and glistening and human.
“Omigod!” Kurt leapt onto the bed, grabbed Blaine’s face with both hands, and kissed him all over his wonderful, furless, human face.
Blaine worked his mouth and shook his head. “Kurt... Kurt...” he breathed out his name in disbelief, then touched his throat. “I can... I’m...”
“I love you, I love you, oh, god, baby...”
Blaine’s hands went through Kurt’s hair, over his shoulders, and then up and down his sides before Blaine just wrapped himself around Kurt and squeezed. “I just... I just want to hold you forever!”
“Oh, oh...” Rachel moaned and fell over on the bed. “I’m having a nervous breakdown.”
Blaine looked over at her. “Uh.” Then he looked down at himself. “I have no clothes.”
Rachel uncovered her eyes. “Naked boys. Hot naked boys. Oh, I’m hallucinating. I had a stroke after ruining my audition and my life and my dreams, and now I’m having an Owl Creek occurrence à la the LOGO channel...”
“Honey, breathe.” Kurt kept a hand on Blaine’s arm as he turned to her. “I know, this seems crazy, but... No, there’s no explaining it. What you saw was real, okay?”
“Blaine was an adorable little giraffe. That was real?”
“Yes,” Kurt said. “He was turned into a giraffe, and he just now changed back.”
Rachel lifted her head and looked straight at Blaine. Her brows raised. Then her eyes drifted downward.
“Ohhh-kay. You’re recovering.” Kurt turned back to Blaine, blocking him from Rachel’s view, and pressed another kiss on him. A proper one, licking along the top of Blaine’s upper lip and sucking gently.
“God, Kurt. You’ve really been working on your... dancing,” Rachel muttered.
Kurt frowned back at her, took Blaine’s hand and pulled him toward the bathroom. Blaine stumbled a bit and held onto Kurt to keep his balance. Kurt locked the door behind them.
“You,” Kurt whispered. The wind had left him just now. He couldn’t stop petting Blaine’s face.
“I just can’t believe it.” Blaine let his head fall back against the door. “I thought I’d have something more profound to say after not being able to do anything but go ‘wauuuughhh’ for two weeks.” Kurt laughed and hugged Blaine to him. “You don’t have to say anything. Or you can say everything. Or you can sing. I don’t care!”
“Who would have thought we could count on Cooper to come through?” Blaine’s laughter died, and his face grew tight. “Do you think he’s still alive?”
“I don’t know. Delilah wouldn’t say what he owed.” Kurt looked down and bit his lip. His hand moved over Blaine’s firm, muscular abs. “Ohhh-kay.”
He walked over to his cell phone on the counter and texted Cooper’s number.
You alive?
“That’s subtle.” Blaine hugged Kurt from behind and hooked his chin over Kurt’s shoulder.
The response came after a minute.
And then some. Is my brother okay?
Kurt looked back at Blaine and smiled from ear to ear.
He’s wonderful.
Kurt’s intended quick shower had turned into a soapy grope-fest between the two of them. They couldn’t get enough of touching one another, and Blaine obviously couldn’t get enough of having hands. Learning to walk on two legs again had been easier than his transition to giraffe-hood, and everything else was just a strange memory.
There was pretty much no disguising what they’d been doing in the shower, and when they both returned with towels tucked around their waists, Rachel’s cheeks were bright red.
“Okay. You two need to find clothing, and also, tell me what the hell is going on!”
Kurt pulled out a shirt for himself to wear and lent Blaine his pajama bottoms. Rachel ordered up a burger for Blaine, which he went after with an eagerness that was truly distracting as Kurt tried to explain things to Rachel.
“What are we going to tell everyone else?” Rachel asked.
Blaine wiped his mouth. “Well, I guess I can reappear come Monday and say I got back from Europe, and my mother didn’t let me call Kurt while I was gone. Or... I lost my phone? If nothing else, Cooper gave us a decent cover story.”
“Weeell.” Rachel took a french fry. “I may have texted a few people while you two were... showering.”
Kurt raised a brow. “What? Why?”
“I got excited!”
Kurt rolled his eyes and rubbed Blaine’s back. “Don’t make yourself sick,” he said.
“I’m not your pet anymore. I can feed myself,” Blaine replied. He covered his mouth as he burped, then set second half of the big burger down.
Kurt kissed his cheek. “So people know... what? That Blaine was a giraffe?”
“I’m not stupid,” Rachel said. “I just told Finn-”
“Hm.” So his dad knew, in addition to probably Sam and Carole.
“And Mercedes-”
Kurt groaned. Now everyone would know.
“Stop it! I told them that we found Blaine. When they asked for details I said... you were celebrating.”
Blaine looked over to Kurt with tented brows. “I dunno. I’m not that good at lying.”
“We’ll think about it on the bus ride home...” Kurt tilted his head to the side. “We need to get Blaine a ticket.”
“How about you two share that joy and I get my dads to buy me a plane ticket?” Rachel suggested.
“C’mon!” Blaine grinned suddenly. “You don’t want to sing with me again on the way back? These are the best, craziest times of our lives!”
“No one has a crazier life than you two. Oh!” Rachel hopped off the bed and went over to the desk, which was covered in sheet music. “Now I have two of you to help me pick what numbers to do tomorrow!”
Kurt looked at Blaine, who shrugged and flopped over to rest his head in Kurt’s lap while Rachel practiced.
By the time Rachel had settled on her new plan of attack, Kurt was thoroughly exhausted, though Blaine didn’t seem too tired.
“This is what you get for napping all day,” Kurt grumbled, trying to find a way to curl up with Blaine comfortably.
“What can I say. Being a giraffe is kind of boring.” Blaine looked over at Rachel, who had her eye mask on and muffs over her ears for maximum rest before the auditions. He put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders to still him, then got behind him and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist.
“There.” Blaine kissed the back of Kurt’s neck. “That okay? I just... I miss being able to cuddle up like this. Not that you didn’t take great care of me.”
Kurt let out a shaky breath and covered his eyes as a surge of emotion came out of nowhere.
“Don’t be upset,” Blaine murmured against his neck.
“I was just... Y-You know I was holding on by a thread, right? I’m so glad you’re you again.”
“Same here.”
Kurt smiled and looked back at him.
“Ohh, this feels good,” Blaine groaned. “No more settling on your pillow and wishing I were a real boy.”
“That must’ve been awful,” Kurt whispered.
“Frustrating, mostly. And really terrifying, at first. I had no idea what had happened to me, or what I was. All I knew was that everything was huge, and I was tiny. Well, tinier than usual.” Kurt smirked and grabbed Blaine’s hand, threading their fingers together.
“And you didn’t know me.” Blaine pouted for a second.
“Sorry about that.”
“How could you? I was surprised that you ever figured it out.”
“You were still pretty Blaineish, for a giraffe.”
Blaine draped his leg over Kurt’s. “You... You offered your life for me.”
Kurt pressed his lips together and squeezed Blaine’s hand.
“You’re so brave.”
“It’s more that I can’t see my life without you in it. That’s all.”
Blaine pressed his forehead against Kurt’s neck and sighed deeply. “You are the love of my life.”
“Mon petit girafe,” Kurt muttered sleepily.
“Go to sleep. You need it for tomorrow. God, I’m so glad I can be there with... hands and words to help you keep calm.” Blaine petted Kurt’s side. “Sleep, and I’ll be right here.”
The three of them started off the day with Bagels at Tiffany’s, with Blaine wearing Kurt’s spare set of clothing. Though it should have been the most nerve-wracking day of Kurt’s life, and he did almost hyperventilate before his NYADA audition, he was still too full of happiness to fixate on any bad things that could happen. By the end of the day, it was all out of their hands. The three of them went to dinner together and to see a show before heading back onto the cramped, frigid bus.
This time, though, Kurt was able to put down the middle armrest, and Blaine curled around him, keeping him warm.
“If Finn turned into an animal, what do you think he’d be?” Rachel wondered, turning around in her seat.
“A cow,” Kurt answered, without opening his eyes.
Blaine chuckled. “Mean!”
“I was thinking more blank staring than weight.”
“No, I think he’d be a dog.”
Kurt opened one eye.
“You know, how he’s always just sticking his head in the door. Dogs do that. They’re all like, hey! What’cha doing in there!”
Rachel laughed. “He is not like a dog. I would have thought of him as a giraffe before you. You know, because he’s so tall.”
“It was weird to see puppy eyes on a giraffe,” Kurt said.
Blaine kissed Kurt’s forehead suddenly. Kurt looked up.
“I love you,” Blaine told him, like he was making a vow.
“I... Yeah. You said that to me less than an hour ago.”
“I’m enjoying being able to say it.”
“I love you, too,” Kurt murmured almost bashfully in return. He kicked off his shoes and curled his legs up.
“Blaine, you promised me songs!” Rachel said suddenly.
“Okay,” Blaine agreed. “I wanna start with Dreamgirls.”
Kurt chuckled.
“Well, I want to start practicing for my New York auditions, don’t I?”
When they reached the bus stop in Lima, Blaine looked at Kurt anxiously. They all hoped that no one would press too hard on their story. Or try to find out if Blaine really did have intensely religious family in New York who might try to force him to come live with them and straighten up his life.
“Oh!” Carole ran toward them when they moved away from the baggage area. Her arms went around Blaine first, and she kissed his cheek hard. Then she grabbed Kurt as well, and gave him a tight hug. “You boys!”
“Gave us all a scare, huh?” Burt slapped Blaine’s back. “Pick up a phone next time, huh? You can always crash with us, if things get too rough.”
Blaine nodded and looked down. Obviously, he felt bad about lying to Burt. Also, he had kind of crashed with them.
“We’re all just really tired. Sorry,” Kurt said.
“It was a great trip, though!” Rachel said, while being smothered by her dads. “Full of all those gritty real life things that you just have to experience to be a real actor!”
Kurt frowned at her, trying to figure out what had been gritty about their trip, other than her having to listen to his reunion with Blaine.
“Those buses... You didn’t have anyone harass you, did you?” Hiram asked. “People get kidnapped on these things. I heard a story about a man getting decapitated!”
“They all look like they have their heads to me, honey,” Leroy said.
“Tell us all about your auditions,” Hiram demanded. He waved at the Hudson-Hummels as he directed Rachel toward the car.
Kurt let out a breath and followed his parents, holding Blaine’s hand tightly. The ride home was quiet, and there were few sounds coming from the house when they arrived, save for Finn and Sam playing some violent video game.
When they entered, Finn jumped up (letting his guy die, apparently) and gave Blaine a big hug.
“Dude! I can’t believe it’s you!” he said with crazily big grin on his face.
“Yeah. I know, right?” Blaine laughed awkwardly.
“Welcome back. The guy-side of the choir room hasn’t been right without you,” Sam said. “Too much Puck-lip and not enough actual good ideas.”
Blaine’s face brightened up. “Wow. Um, thanks.”
Finn patted Kurt’s back. “We missed you too, but, you know. You weren’t gone that long.”
“I figured.” Kurt wrinkled his nose at Finn.
At that moment, Cooper stepped out of the kitchen. His arms were crossed over himself, and he looked very tired, and a little pale. His eyes fixed on Blaine, and Blaine dropped the small bag of Kurt’s he’d been carrying and drew closer to his brother.
“Coop?”
“Hey, kid.” He closed the distance and enveloped Blaine in his big arms. “S’good to hear your voice again.”
Blaine said nothing. He took a few unsteady breaths and nodded.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Cooper added. “And... I’m sorry. I really am. That I didn’t... um, do anything sooner. I guess I kept thinking I could fix everything, but... I should have been thinking about you, instead of what it would cost me.”
Blaine nodded again, then pulled back to look at his brother. “It- It’s okay,” he choked out.
Kurt dropped into a chair and pressed his fingers to his temple. His father’s hands landed on his shoulders and rubbed.
“Just breathe,” Burt said. “You guys have had a really awful couple of weeks. But that’s then, and things are okay now, huh?”
Kurt looked back at his father and nodded. Everything was okay.
It was a few days later before Kurt understood how Blaine had come to be himself again, though for the most part, he just didn’t care. He would take Blaine back however he could get him.
But he did miss getting to sleep with him every night.
Not one to miss opportunities, Kurt elected to spend the night over at Blaine’s before his parents started wandering back home. Normally, his father wouldn’t let him stay over unsupervised, but adults seemed to think that Cooper was one of their number, despite really being much more like a twelve year old.
“Does my neck look longer?” Blaine asked.
Kurt grabbed him around the waist and pulled him away from the mirror. “You’re crazy.”
“You spent the last two weeks confiding in a giraffe,” Blaine replied.
“Hm. Well, he was a very good listener.” Kurt kissed Blaine firmly. His brow raised as he heard a growl of frustration across the hall.
“Coop’s kind of... not been in a good mood,” Blaine said, looking over his shoulder.
“Is he angry that his charisma is gone?”
“No. And it’s not really gone. I still see people being charmed by him, even when he’s not trying.” Blaine settled his arm around Kurt’s back and peered into the hallway. “He’s really just been super moody since I got back. And Delilah’s been hanging around. That’s okay because she’s actually a good cook.”
“Huh.” Kurt took Blaine’s hand and tiptoed across the hallway.
The door was cracked open, and Cooper could be seen standing in his briefs and a t-shirt in front of his closet. A pile of well-tailored pants had formed on the bed.
“Coop?” Blaine leaned in the room cautiously.
Cooper turned around and crossed his arms. Kurt raised his brows as he noticed the reason for the pants pile. In the gap between his fitted white tee and his navy blue boxers, his tummy was poking out just a little.
What an evil spell! Weight gain! Maybe the witches had wanted Cooper’s metabolism?(Kurt would certainly offer up some spells to secure that.)
“What do you want?” Cooper asked.
“Just um...” Blaine’s eyes went wide, and he stepped back.
“Just checking to see if you were okay,” Kurt said. “Do you need anything?”
“A sewing machine,” Cooper said. He sighed and sat on his bed.
“Well, I do sew,” Kurt said. “And I do need a way to apologize for slapping you so hard.”
Cooper’s frown turned on Kurt.
“Don’t get me wrong. You deserved it. But there’s no excuse for violence.”
Delilah came in from behind with a glass of water. She set it on the nightstand with a couple of pills.
“You are a bitch,” Cooper snapped.
“Well, clearly,” she said cheerfully. “Drink your water and take your vitamins.”
“What did you do to him?” Blaine asked.
“She’s ruining my life, that’s what she’s doing,” Cooper grumbled.
She pointed to the water, and he scooped up the pills and downed them both.
“What the hell is this?” he asked after swallowing. He was pointing to his stomach.
“I’m not sure I understand the question.” She sat in a chair by Cooper’s desk, adjusting her loose spaghetti strap tank top calmly.
“You just cast the spell a week ago. How am I this fat already?”
Delilah raised a brow. Blaine leaned forward to look, like he hadn’t noticed that Cooper had gained any weight.
“Well, honey, women start counting from their last missed period. You don’t have one. So...” She rose and came over to pat over his abdomen, smiling as though she was pleased with herself. “What you have is everything tucking into place. And bowl distention, probably.”
Cooper crossed his arms and pouted.
“Oh, you’ll get used to it. It’ll be fine,” Delilah assured him. “You’re glad to have your brother back, aren’t you? I don’t even think Ella could figure out how to undo that curse if you hadn’t consented to your contract.”
“Of course, I’m glad he’s back.” Cooper looked over at Blaine, who dipped his head and smiled softly. Then Blaine came over to his brother’s side and rubbed his back. Cooper relaxed his shoulders and rubbed his hand over his mouth. “Thanks.”
Kurt eyed the three of them, then got a crazy notion in his head. “What exactly was Cooper’s contract? What’s happening to him?”
“We gave him a magical level of charisma to help him ‘make it’ as an actor,” Delilah said, still looking at Cooper with that little smile. “And after five years, he was to provide the vessel for rebirthing our order’s high priestess.”
Blaine brow creased. Then his eyes went wide and he looked not so subtly at his brother’s stomach. “Wait, what?”
“He’s pregnant?” Kurt asked. He crossed his arms over himself, remembering that he’d offered himself up to take Cooper’s place for this.
“I’m just swelling with joy!” Cooper said dryly.
“It won’t be so bad!” Delilah touched his knee. “I’m around to make sure everything goes smoothly, and no one will notice. I mean, they’ll notice you gaining weight, but they won’t ever think more of it than that. The spell will diffuse their attention. You can even keep doing commercials, if you want to.”
“Why would I want captured evidence of me turning into a whale?” Cooper asked.
Delilah ignored him and looked at Kurt and Blaine. “Not too different from how people noticed you had a tiny giraffe but hardly anyone freaked out like they should have.”
“Aw. I’m gonna be an uncle.” Blaine leaned over and hugged Cooper around the waist.
Cooper looked annoyed, twisting his lips, but then his expression softened, and he put his arms around his brother. It seemed he really had missed Blaine. “I don’t get to keep her,” he said gently. “So. Y’know. Don’t get too attached.”
Blaine looked up.
“Well. It’ll depend,” Delilah said. “If you want to be in her life, I’m sure she could use a father. See how you feel in a few months. You’re not required, but nothing says you aren’t allowed, either.”
“Your ‘order’ wants a guy around?” Cooper said dryly.
“Our order has more than a few men. They’re very sweet.” Her lips quirked to the side. “You could take a few lessons.”
Kurt touched his lips and sat next to Blaine. “Why Cooper? You don’t seem too old to have a baby yourself, and there are other women in your order.”
“Yes, that’s true. I explained this to Cooper when we made the deal, but it’s more about bloodlines, and that comes from Cooper’s maternal line.” Delilah shrugged. “When you narrow it like that, our options for getting a vessel for this particular spell narrowed considerable, and it took most of us to pull it off, in any case.”
“So that’s why I couldn’t fill in? I don’t have a shiny, magical bloodline?”
Delilah examined her nail polish. “Well, you have to have the right one, and that person has to consent during the time of the ritual. It’s complicated. And the magic can be... idiocyncratic. But don’t worry. Despite his endless bitching, Cooper be safe as the baby grows.”
“Good,” Blaine said. He sat up, still staring at his brother’s middle.
Cooper made a shooing motion with his hand. “I know you two didn’t plan a ‘sleepover’ to hang out with me.”
“No, but maybe after we play some boardgames and paint each others toenails, we could come down and make some dinner or something,” Kurt suggested.
“Boardgames?” Blaine looked up at Kurt.
Kurt tilted his head back and looked up innocently.
“Oh! Let’s go play some boardgames!” Blaine said too enthusiastically, grabbing Kurt’s hand and pulling him towards the door.
“Use condoms!” Cooper called after them dryly. “Don’t get pregnant!”
Kurt lay back, spent, but Blaine still straddled his legs, cupping his face and delivering one slow kiss after another to his waiting, flushed lips. Kurt pushed him back, and Blaine straightened, giving Kurt a delicious view of Blaine’s pouty lips, his lovely olive skin, and the wall of abs.
Kurt shuddered.
“Do you feel fine? So deep down good?” Blaine asked.
Kurt laughed and reached up to pull Blaine down again, kissing each cheek, then his eyebrows. “I missed everything about you. Every part of you, from your furry eyebrows-”
“Ha!”
“To your soft, baby fine hair, to your skin, your lips, your teeth, your nose, your pecs-” Kurt pinched them softly and glided his hands down Blaine’s freshly manscaped torso. “Oh, your thighs. And this knob.”
“Knob??”
Kurt rubbed his fingers over Blaine’s hips, down the cut of where his torso met his legs.
“You just want me for my body, huh?” Blaine teased.
“I think the last two weeks pretty clearly told us I’d still be with you even if you didn’t have it.”
“Ah, good. Now I can get fat.” Blaine laughed and snuggled up beside Kurt.
“Even then.” Kurt stroked his thumb over Blaine’s nose. “I missed the way you scrunch your nose. I missed how floofy your hair gets when you don’t try to drown it in hair gel, and how you try to hide it from me, like I don’t already know and you’re still trying to impress me. I missed... Your voice. And your humor and... your quiet... everything. The way I know you love me by the little touches you give me...”
His throat growing tight, Kurt leaned into Blaine, and let his arms wrap him up in warmth. Their last few weeks had been intense, and fraught, and just plain silly, but maybe that’s what real magic brought to their lives. Kurt much preferred their own kind of magic.
“Can we still paint our toenails?” Blaine asked. He rubbed his nose against Kurt’s.
Kurt laughed and touched the sticky stuff on his stomach. “Yeah, maybe after we clean up a little.”
Blaine reached over to his nightstand and pulled out a package of moist towelettes.
“I even missed the fact that you are more, shall we say, sexually advanced than I am.”
“By that you mean perverted.” Blaine grinned as he wiped off Kurt’s skin.
“One of us has to be.”
“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Once we get going...” Blaine raised a brow.
Kurt bit his lip, then grabbed Blaine’s wrists and rolled him over onto his back.
Leaning on his elbow over the counter, Kurt smiled as he watched Blaine’s hands move over the dough. His hair was freshly washed and starting to get a little fluffy as it dried; his feet were bare, with little cotton balls between each toe covered in sparkly blue polish.
“I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”
Blaine looked up and smiled. “That’s good to know, since apparently you could trade me for fame.”
“Not worth it. I love you more than fame.” Kurt narrowed his eyes as he trailed his fingers up and down Blaine’s bicep. “Maybe eternal youth and perfect skin...”
Blaine laughed. “Maybe I could trade you for straight hair.”
“Never! Don’t even joke.” Kurt grabbed him from behind and buried his face in Blaine’s hair.
“You two,” Cooper grumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen, “are sickening.”
His fingers were wrapped around a large owl mug, and he was wearing the same white t-shirt as before, with a pair of cotton jersey pajama bottoms.
“We’re going to paint your toenails, too,” Kurt warned.
“You... What?” Cooper turned from where he was reaching for teabags and frowned at them both. “And I don’t get a choice in this?”
“Nope!” Blaine said.
“This isn’t magic. It’s fashion. We don’t have to have your consent,” Kurt told him.
Blaine licked his fingers and started ladling Kurt’s sauce over the crust. “But if you go willingly, we’ll let you pick the color.”
“That’s more choice than you get with some magic.” Cooper yawned and filled his mug with water. “What choices are there?”
“Japanese Rose Garden, Lucky Lucky Lavender, Last Friday Night,” Kurt listed off. Blaine lifted his foot for Cooper to see on the last one. “And The One that Got Away-” Kurt lifted his own foot high up in the air to show off the dark berry color. “But you can’t wear that one because it’s my color. Oh, and slut red.”
“Slut red,” Cooper said automatically. He put his mug in the microwave and hit the button. “But only if you give me some pizza.”
Blaine nodded as he sprinkled olives over the dough. “Of course. My niece is hungry!”
“You need to stop, giraffe boy.” Cooper drifted by to mess with Blaine’s hair, then sat by the table, putting his feet up on another chair. “I take it everything was as you left it? You two sounded happy, anyway.”
Blaine turned around with his eyes wide.
Cooper laughed. “Oh, come on. I showed you porn for the first time. What are you so shy about?”
“Don’t be weird, Coop. I don’t want to talk to you about that,” Blaine muttered.
“Color me shocked that Cooper introduced you to porn,” Kurt drawled. He smiled at Cooper. “Everything went very well, thank you.”
As the pizza baked and Kurt painted Cooper’s toenails slut red (the actual name on the bottle was French Bordeaux), Blaine lingered near Kurt, watching with a calm intensity. They’d had their hurdles before, and would again, Kurt guessed, but there were no scraps of doubt that hadn’t been shaken off by this experience. They were forever, no matter what happened. No matter how ridiculous, no matter how frightening. They could weather bullies, bigots, meddling twinkies trying to come between them, and magic spells gone awry. They could weather a temporary separation or anything mundane that came up against them.
They could weather all of this, even if Kurt couldn’t control everything, or fix all his loved ones’ ills himself with cooking, singing, or outright obstinacy.
And, Kurt thought with a smile, if nothing else, this got Cooper to wake up just a little more and become more tender with little brother. It made Kurt happy to see that Blaine’s sense of family was growing stronger, if only with Cooper, and of course, the Hudson-Hummels, who would open their home to him at any time.
